P.S. For all interested parties, tonight Tucker Max is celebrating his move to New York with the opening of his new club (not his, he's just an investor) Vapor. I would be going except for a.) the aforementioned going away party b.) they want like $35 even though its all you can drink but most importantly c.) I don't want to be like a total pro-ho (my term for girls who hang around professional athletes, famous people and whatnot) b/c that's just feeding his ego, which he needs no help feeding.
I will however, probably be making stops at this bar frequently in order to try and cop a sighting.
Friday, December 09, 2005
I am totally exhausted right now and cannot concentrate on one single thing. I’ve had a coffee, an iced tea and Coke and yet I could still fall asleep for like 12 hours straight. I can however, write this apparently, so maybe I should just call a spade, a spade and admit that I’m lazy. The good news is, I proved that I totally earned my promotion this week. I’ve been a wheelin, dealin, crazy busy PR girl…scoring hits, negotiating, coordinating, writing, I’ve been nuts. So I deserve to be tired on Friday.
By 11 a.m. I had already worked a full day. I had a fight with Dr. Widget via email, I worked my A$$ off to get info to a producer in New England who bumped my segment three minutes before it was going to start taping, I got an awards book out the door, continued being Ringleader for the committee coordinating the holiday party we have not yet booked and its next Friday…and a variety of other activities. It’s now 2 p.m. and I’m mentally dead - finito. I also had three beers last night at some dive bar with my co-workers which is not helping today. I got home at 10 a.m. all buzzed cause I hadn’t eaten, texted like a mad woman, ate some veggie salad and fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night dying of thirst…and as testament to how dehydrated I was (veggie salad was salty I guess…) I had drank three glasses of water in the middle of the night and never had to pee! That’s a first cause I normally go every 5 minutes.
Tonight I’m headed to NJ for the going away party of my aunt, uncle and cousin, provided my aunt actually is in NJ, b/c she was supposed to fly in this morning and this morning it was like winter wonderland outside. Otherwise, it’s a party for my uncle and cousin. My other cousin is supposed to pick me up at the ferry but she is currently missing in action. So I may very well be stranded at the ferry.
Of the high days and the low days that is my industry, today is definitely a low. Yesterday was a high when I kicked ass during a company-wide conference call. The weekend is not coming fast enough!!
By 11 a.m. I had already worked a full day. I had a fight with Dr. Widget via email, I worked my A$$ off to get info to a producer in New England who bumped my segment three minutes before it was going to start taping, I got an awards book out the door, continued being Ringleader for the committee coordinating the holiday party we have not yet booked and its next Friday…and a variety of other activities. It’s now 2 p.m. and I’m mentally dead - finito. I also had three beers last night at some dive bar with my co-workers which is not helping today. I got home at 10 a.m. all buzzed cause I hadn’t eaten, texted like a mad woman, ate some veggie salad and fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night dying of thirst…and as testament to how dehydrated I was (veggie salad was salty I guess…) I had drank three glasses of water in the middle of the night and never had to pee! That’s a first cause I normally go every 5 minutes.
Tonight I’m headed to NJ for the going away party of my aunt, uncle and cousin, provided my aunt actually is in NJ, b/c she was supposed to fly in this morning and this morning it was like winter wonderland outside. Otherwise, it’s a party for my uncle and cousin. My other cousin is supposed to pick me up at the ferry but she is currently missing in action. So I may very well be stranded at the ferry.
Of the high days and the low days that is my industry, today is definitely a low. Yesterday was a high when I kicked ass during a company-wide conference call. The weekend is not coming fast enough!!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Definitions
Yesterday was interesting in that I wound up discussing the idea of defining yourself with like three different people, all who brought the topic up to me. Perhaps it’s the impending holiday and New Year that’s making everyone so reflective, but it got me thinking on how I define myself…and why.
My friend M. and I didn’t actually “discuss” defining yourself, moreso than she blogged about it and I thought about it after I read it. Call that whatever you will, I’d like to think we telepathically discussed it. M.’s point focused on defining yourself by your husband, boyfriend or whatever, and how powerful women have men as accessories.
Which led to a discussion a shortwhile later among co-workers, including upper management, about defining yourself by your work. Many women in New York do define themselves by their jobs, just as equally as the men do. They are the heads of businesses, they have no children, they may or may not have a husband and for all intents and purposes their work is their life. They see their employees more than they see their sick moms, their young children, more than they see their husband who is working just as much. It’s an interesting way to live, looking at it from the outside, as I currently do.
And then I know many women who define themselves by their families. Who work to be able to give their children all the opportunities in the world, to take wonderful vacations, to chat with their friends each and every day.
And then P. and I discussed the possible blending of all three things. Is it possible to define yourself by your work, your spouse and your family? Will any of these three inevitably get short-changed? Even now, when women are more powerful than ever, are we still forced to make the choice between having a booming career and having a happy family? It’s hard to say.
In South Florida I knew one woman who thought she was doing a good job, but I thought she was failing miserably. When she was at work, she was on the phone with the nanny. When she was at home, she was calling into work. Whenever I asked how her kids were doing, she responded “Oh…driving me crazy!” And I always thought, how sad that she can never just say, “They are great, thank you for asking!” Rather, she turned the question on herself. She was going crazy, perhaps the kids were just fine.
And up here, where a woman with kids more than likely works for a woman without, I see the struggle within- staying late to finish that presentation or tucking the kids into bed. More often that not, I see the light on in the office.
A friend of mine, who is working his way up the ranks of managing a hedge fund, told me not so long ago that he was happy he had two female bosses. I asked him if it was because women were more understanding and nurturing as bosses, which has been my experience, and he told me no, because they leave the workplace after they have kids, which opens the door for him to go to right up the ranks. It struck me as so awful, because it was probably the truth! Even in my line of work, the number women who return to work after having babies is low and that bothers me tremendously. I have no idea what I will do when it comes time…but the trend, at least around the working professionals I hang around with, seems pretty clear.
So I ask again, how do we define ourselves among these choices? Internally, at this stage in my life, I define myself by my family and my work, and I hope I project both of those equally. My question is…will I always and at what cost?
Yesterday was interesting in that I wound up discussing the idea of defining yourself with like three different people, all who brought the topic up to me. Perhaps it’s the impending holiday and New Year that’s making everyone so reflective, but it got me thinking on how I define myself…and why.
My friend M. and I didn’t actually “discuss” defining yourself, moreso than she blogged about it and I thought about it after I read it. Call that whatever you will, I’d like to think we telepathically discussed it. M.’s point focused on defining yourself by your husband, boyfriend or whatever, and how powerful women have men as accessories.
Which led to a discussion a shortwhile later among co-workers, including upper management, about defining yourself by your work. Many women in New York do define themselves by their jobs, just as equally as the men do. They are the heads of businesses, they have no children, they may or may not have a husband and for all intents and purposes their work is their life. They see their employees more than they see their sick moms, their young children, more than they see their husband who is working just as much. It’s an interesting way to live, looking at it from the outside, as I currently do.
And then I know many women who define themselves by their families. Who work to be able to give their children all the opportunities in the world, to take wonderful vacations, to chat with their friends each and every day.
And then P. and I discussed the possible blending of all three things. Is it possible to define yourself by your work, your spouse and your family? Will any of these three inevitably get short-changed? Even now, when women are more powerful than ever, are we still forced to make the choice between having a booming career and having a happy family? It’s hard to say.
In South Florida I knew one woman who thought she was doing a good job, but I thought she was failing miserably. When she was at work, she was on the phone with the nanny. When she was at home, she was calling into work. Whenever I asked how her kids were doing, she responded “Oh…driving me crazy!” And I always thought, how sad that she can never just say, “They are great, thank you for asking!” Rather, she turned the question on herself. She was going crazy, perhaps the kids were just fine.
And up here, where a woman with kids more than likely works for a woman without, I see the struggle within- staying late to finish that presentation or tucking the kids into bed. More often that not, I see the light on in the office.
A friend of mine, who is working his way up the ranks of managing a hedge fund, told me not so long ago that he was happy he had two female bosses. I asked him if it was because women were more understanding and nurturing as bosses, which has been my experience, and he told me no, because they leave the workplace after they have kids, which opens the door for him to go to right up the ranks. It struck me as so awful, because it was probably the truth! Even in my line of work, the number women who return to work after having babies is low and that bothers me tremendously. I have no idea what I will do when it comes time…but the trend, at least around the working professionals I hang around with, seems pretty clear.
So I ask again, how do we define ourselves among these choices? Internally, at this stage in my life, I define myself by my family and my work, and I hope I project both of those equally. My question is…will I always and at what cost?
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
First Christmas Tree
So last night, I bought my first Christmas tree, it’s so cute. Just 3 1/2 feet tall and fits perfectly in the corner of my living room. Before I bought it, I got prepared and bought Christmas ornaments and lights. Then I picked up the tree and headed home. It was so light, I could carry it in my hand. And the way home, some little man, there was something wrong with him, but he was so cute, he looked the tree up and down and then said, “Nice Tree.” So cute! I was like “Thanks!!!
I got the tree home and up all five flights of stairs with not a needle lost. I get in the stand and get it standing up. I was so proud I took a picture, which is coming soon. I then decided I’d get to work on the lights.
Paying no attention whatsoever, I took the lights out of the box and started to unwind them. An hour later I had a huge knot, but I just figured I had messed up somewhere and that I had to get through the worst to get to the better. Two hours later, I’m watching Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer and I’m not quite aware I’m still untangling. Three hours later, I’m watching Law & Order and although I’m not quite sure why I’m still untangling I continue to do so. Four hours later, and I’m just beginning CSI when Annette comes home. I inform her I’ve been untangling for four hours and she sits down to help. About 25 minutes later, she picks up the box to see how the hell these things are supposed to be. She then informs me I’m a moron and that the lights are mesh. They’re supposed to be this net. I vaguely remember that when I took them out of the box, they were shaped in concentric circles. As it turns out, you’re supposed to put the top of the tree through the center and the lights drape down, so it looks like you strung lights through the branches, but in fact, you did not. FUUUUUUUCK. I untangled for FOUR HOURS. At least I thought I was untangling. I was in fact, destroying the lights. Which were beyond repair and instead of spending their first lighting on the tree, spent them in the trash. Luckily they were only $3.99 which may also be why those bitches didn’t come with DIRECTIONS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH RITE AID!!!
Alex Trebek
No one person on Earth inspires such hatred in me as Alex Trebek, though I continue to watch Jeopardy, but only to test my own knowledge. If he had a massive heart attack and died right during a Daily Double, I’d stand up and cheer. I hate the way he has to pretend like he knows all the accents when the answer involved another language b/c A.) He does not know all the accents and B.) He sucks at accents. I also hate the way he pretends like he knew the answer when someone answers incorrectly. He’s so condescending, like “Nooooo Mary, I’m sorry. The correct answer is, “What is Mount Kilomanjaro?” Then he always repeats with a useless fact, just to “impress” us, like “Mount Kilomanjaro, located in the Iberian Peninsula, lovely place.” FUCK YOU ALEX!! Like everyone at home doesn’t know you have the f*ing answer on a computer screen in front of you! And no one cares what you think of the Iberian Peninsula. God I hate him!
Anyways, last night, the first round opens and Alex actually says, “Get ‘er done.” I was like what the fuck??? Did Alex just say Get ‘er done??? Now we’re supposed to think he’s hip AND smart??? Can’t you just die already Alex? Die!
So last night, I bought my first Christmas tree, it’s so cute. Just 3 1/2 feet tall and fits perfectly in the corner of my living room. Before I bought it, I got prepared and bought Christmas ornaments and lights. Then I picked up the tree and headed home. It was so light, I could carry it in my hand. And the way home, some little man, there was something wrong with him, but he was so cute, he looked the tree up and down and then said, “Nice Tree.” So cute! I was like “Thanks!!!
I got the tree home and up all five flights of stairs with not a needle lost. I get in the stand and get it standing up. I was so proud I took a picture, which is coming soon. I then decided I’d get to work on the lights.
Paying no attention whatsoever, I took the lights out of the box and started to unwind them. An hour later I had a huge knot, but I just figured I had messed up somewhere and that I had to get through the worst to get to the better. Two hours later, I’m watching Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer and I’m not quite aware I’m still untangling. Three hours later, I’m watching Law & Order and although I’m not quite sure why I’m still untangling I continue to do so. Four hours later, and I’m just beginning CSI when Annette comes home. I inform her I’ve been untangling for four hours and she sits down to help. About 25 minutes later, she picks up the box to see how the hell these things are supposed to be. She then informs me I’m a moron and that the lights are mesh. They’re supposed to be this net. I vaguely remember that when I took them out of the box, they were shaped in concentric circles. As it turns out, you’re supposed to put the top of the tree through the center and the lights drape down, so it looks like you strung lights through the branches, but in fact, you did not. FUUUUUUUCK. I untangled for FOUR HOURS. At least I thought I was untangling. I was in fact, destroying the lights. Which were beyond repair and instead of spending their first lighting on the tree, spent them in the trash. Luckily they were only $3.99 which may also be why those bitches didn’t come with DIRECTIONS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH RITE AID!!!
Alex Trebek
No one person on Earth inspires such hatred in me as Alex Trebek, though I continue to watch Jeopardy, but only to test my own knowledge. If he had a massive heart attack and died right during a Daily Double, I’d stand up and cheer. I hate the way he has to pretend like he knows all the accents when the answer involved another language b/c A.) He does not know all the accents and B.) He sucks at accents. I also hate the way he pretends like he knew the answer when someone answers incorrectly. He’s so condescending, like “Nooooo Mary, I’m sorry. The correct answer is, “What is Mount Kilomanjaro?” Then he always repeats with a useless fact, just to “impress” us, like “Mount Kilomanjaro, located in the Iberian Peninsula, lovely place.” FUCK YOU ALEX!! Like everyone at home doesn’t know you have the f*ing answer on a computer screen in front of you! And no one cares what you think of the Iberian Peninsula. God I hate him!
Anyways, last night, the first round opens and Alex actually says, “Get ‘er done.” I was like what the fuck??? Did Alex just say Get ‘er done??? Now we’re supposed to think he’s hip AND smart??? Can’t you just die already Alex? Die!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Whatever Happened to My Tolerance?
Ever since I began working, my social life Sunday-Thursday totally disappeared. At first, this was very traumatic to me, as during college, I very much had a drinking and dancing schedule that absolutely required me to be in various bars and clubs every night of the week except Sunday, motivated by the fear of missing the best night ever. That was back when I was young and spry and could still take notes after getting home at 4 a.m. and waking up at 7:30 a.m. One time, I actually did not even go to sleep and studied for a test I had at 8. I got an A. Jesus H. Christ are those days looong gone.
Or are they? Lately I have been trying to figure out why it’s so damn difficult to not have a fuzzy head when you go out during the week. I was never warned that there would come a day where I could not concentrate if I had a few drinks the night before. Didn’t I deserve some kind of ticker counting down the days until I was officially old? Doesn’t everyone? Did I just lose the amazing tolerance and mental capacity I obviously possessed ages 18-22? I was fed up. So I have attempted to turn back time the last two months or so with the implementation of “Thursday is the New Friday” happy hour at work, which has been a resounding success, if I don’t say so myself. We defy convention and go out on Thursdays, not only because Friday sucks, but because it helps prove you can go out during the week and not want to kill yourself the next day.
Last night, I decided to one up myself and went out drinking on a Wednesday. I have been humbled. Spaced out over a four-hour period, I had two beers and two glasses of wine. I ate dinner. I drank water. Goddamit I did everything right!!! Why, then, oh why, do I feel like I could die right in my chair right this second? I am so tired, my eyes could very literally fall right out of my head and roll out across my desk. This sucks and I hate it. I actually had to lay down for 15 minutes at lunch time to rest my eyes. WHAT THE HELL.
I am going to cowboy up though and go out for happy hour tonight, and my mission is to last at least one drink. Stay tuned for my impending death by exhaustion.
Ever since I began working, my social life Sunday-Thursday totally disappeared. At first, this was very traumatic to me, as during college, I very much had a drinking and dancing schedule that absolutely required me to be in various bars and clubs every night of the week except Sunday, motivated by the fear of missing the best night ever. That was back when I was young and spry and could still take notes after getting home at 4 a.m. and waking up at 7:30 a.m. One time, I actually did not even go to sleep and studied for a test I had at 8. I got an A. Jesus H. Christ are those days looong gone.
Or are they? Lately I have been trying to figure out why it’s so damn difficult to not have a fuzzy head when you go out during the week. I was never warned that there would come a day where I could not concentrate if I had a few drinks the night before. Didn’t I deserve some kind of ticker counting down the days until I was officially old? Doesn’t everyone? Did I just lose the amazing tolerance and mental capacity I obviously possessed ages 18-22? I was fed up. So I have attempted to turn back time the last two months or so with the implementation of “Thursday is the New Friday” happy hour at work, which has been a resounding success, if I don’t say so myself. We defy convention and go out on Thursdays, not only because Friday sucks, but because it helps prove you can go out during the week and not want to kill yourself the next day.
Last night, I decided to one up myself and went out drinking on a Wednesday. I have been humbled. Spaced out over a four-hour period, I had two beers and two glasses of wine. I ate dinner. I drank water. Goddamit I did everything right!!! Why, then, oh why, do I feel like I could die right in my chair right this second? I am so tired, my eyes could very literally fall right out of my head and roll out across my desk. This sucks and I hate it. I actually had to lay down for 15 minutes at lunch time to rest my eyes. WHAT THE HELL.
I am going to cowboy up though and go out for happy hour tonight, and my mission is to last at least one drink. Stay tuned for my impending death by exhaustion.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Back in the Daily Grind
So…I’m back at work and surprisingly not as bitter about it as I expected. There were a few things that slipped off the radar before I left, and yes, I got called out about it, but what can you do. It sucks but this time it has rolled off my back much faster than it has in the past. There is only one of me and I only have so much time.
Anyways, I was in my first new business presentation this morning where I actually had a speaking role. I only had to present one slide and by the amount I practiced, you would think I was giving the whole damn presentation. But it went off without a hitch and I was told I did extremely well. So big pat on the back for me for my first time actually speaking at a presentation! It’s like being a doctor and performing surgery alone for the first time. In a way. Kind of. Okay, it’s not really the same, but it’s the same difference! I had to totally psych myself out by saying things like "Is this like giving the Presidential address? No. If you did give the Presidential address would you kick ass? Yes." and..."If you mess up, will anyone blow up, die or be injured in any way? No." And I guess that worked.
Tonight is the Christmas Tree lighting at Rockefeller Center and once again, I doubt I’ll be able to make it. I’ve slowly come to learn that to do anything fun in New York, it’s probably better not to live here. You have to come on vacation. Work is holding me back from all the good times, with the exception of 6th street Indian Food and beer! Oh the irony!
The next few weeks promise to be very busy, with multiple Christmas parties, including my own for work. I love Christmas parties. It’s the only time of year I get to play a little game I like to call, “Whose Going to Make a Complete Asshole Out of Themselves This Year.” I make internal bets and then see if I won. Best. Game. Ever.
So…I’m back at work and surprisingly not as bitter about it as I expected. There were a few things that slipped off the radar before I left, and yes, I got called out about it, but what can you do. It sucks but this time it has rolled off my back much faster than it has in the past. There is only one of me and I only have so much time.
Anyways, I was in my first new business presentation this morning where I actually had a speaking role. I only had to present one slide and by the amount I practiced, you would think I was giving the whole damn presentation. But it went off without a hitch and I was told I did extremely well. So big pat on the back for me for my first time actually speaking at a presentation! It’s like being a doctor and performing surgery alone for the first time. In a way. Kind of. Okay, it’s not really the same, but it’s the same difference! I had to totally psych myself out by saying things like "Is this like giving the Presidential address? No. If you did give the Presidential address would you kick ass? Yes." and..."If you mess up, will anyone blow up, die or be injured in any way? No." And I guess that worked.
Tonight is the Christmas Tree lighting at Rockefeller Center and once again, I doubt I’ll be able to make it. I’ve slowly come to learn that to do anything fun in New York, it’s probably better not to live here. You have to come on vacation. Work is holding me back from all the good times, with the exception of 6th street Indian Food and beer! Oh the irony!
The next few weeks promise to be very busy, with multiple Christmas parties, including my own for work. I love Christmas parties. It’s the only time of year I get to play a little game I like to call, “Whose Going to Make a Complete Asshole Out of Themselves This Year.” I make internal bets and then see if I won. Best. Game. Ever.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Back and in Full Effect
After a two week hiatus (my fingers get tired you know) LiaLia is back, rested and in full effect!
Normally, I don’t like to get introspective on here. I like to make it seem as if my life is nothing but fun and games, getting annoyed during work, shameless self-absorption, drinking alcohol and non-stop good times. And most of the time, that’s pretty true. However, the last two weeks have been among the most interesting of my life- from my first trip to Europe to a re-examination of all those close to me. My week in Europe was filled with adventure, fun, introspection, nervousness, sadness, excitement and intrigue. My week in sunny Boca Raton was filled with all that and more. Go fucking figure!! I learned more about my family and friends this particular week than I thought I ever could. More on that to come b/c let’s face it, my realizations about life are not why people read this. However, I’m excited for the upcoming holidays and new year. By all appearances, if I thought 2005 was busy, 2006 should be off the chain!
Back on the Clock - goddamit
I’m back to work tomorrow for the first time in like 16 days and I’m somewhat excited about it. I’m sure that by tomorrow afternoon, roughly around this time, I’ll be f*ing stressed out and pissed off, but right here, at this moment, I am looking forward to getting back into the daily grind. Although, the ideal life would be going to brunch, the beach, Starbucks and to bars like I have been doing the last few days. Gotta keep cracking on my book to make that dream a reality! Yay for a college education and feminine advancement! This is what my new aspirations consist of.
Anyways, I’m off to the scrapbooking store to load up on crap for the scrapbook I have not yet started, even though I bought it like two years ago.
Peace out til tomorrow when I’m back up in the NY to tha C.
After a two week hiatus (my fingers get tired you know) LiaLia is back, rested and in full effect!
Normally, I don’t like to get introspective on here. I like to make it seem as if my life is nothing but fun and games, getting annoyed during work, shameless self-absorption, drinking alcohol and non-stop good times. And most of the time, that’s pretty true. However, the last two weeks have been among the most interesting of my life- from my first trip to Europe to a re-examination of all those close to me. My week in Europe was filled with adventure, fun, introspection, nervousness, sadness, excitement and intrigue. My week in sunny Boca Raton was filled with all that and more. Go fucking figure!! I learned more about my family and friends this particular week than I thought I ever could. More on that to come b/c let’s face it, my realizations about life are not why people read this. However, I’m excited for the upcoming holidays and new year. By all appearances, if I thought 2005 was busy, 2006 should be off the chain!
Back on the Clock - goddamit
I’m back to work tomorrow for the first time in like 16 days and I’m somewhat excited about it. I’m sure that by tomorrow afternoon, roughly around this time, I’ll be f*ing stressed out and pissed off, but right here, at this moment, I am looking forward to getting back into the daily grind. Although, the ideal life would be going to brunch, the beach, Starbucks and to bars like I have been doing the last few days. Gotta keep cracking on my book to make that dream a reality! Yay for a college education and feminine advancement! This is what my new aspirations consist of.
Anyways, I’m off to the scrapbooking store to load up on crap for the scrapbook I have not yet started, even though I bought it like two years ago.
Peace out til tomorrow when I’m back up in the NY to tha C.
Friday, November 11, 2005
It's E-Day!
This is my version of D-Day, where instead of D for Doom or whatever it was meant for, I change it to E for Europe. The day has arrived and if I don't say so myself, I have been the model in efficiency of planning and emergency preparedness! I have a towel, blowdryer, snacks, nightclub clothes, bar clothes, sightseeing clothes, makeup, jewelry, scarves and toiletries to handle any whim that we may have.
Now, if I can just sleep on the plane, I'll be good to go!
New Years, Part Two
Gil is now included in my Happy New Year's festivities. Gil, welcome aboard! Ya'll this boy can dance, which we heart. And, he is fun. He uses curse words with regularity and can drink better than anyone. The perfect addition!
E-mail Blasts
If you'd like to be included on the e-mail blasts my co-workers demanded, leave a comment saying so. It's like blogs on the go. I need your e-mail address though. If you think I'm Carrie Bradshaw here in New York, lawd you know nothing yet.
Ok so much work to get done so until next week when I can recount my trip in its entirety, I bid you cheerio.
This is my version of D-Day, where instead of D for Doom or whatever it was meant for, I change it to E for Europe. The day has arrived and if I don't say so myself, I have been the model in efficiency of planning and emergency preparedness! I have a towel, blowdryer, snacks, nightclub clothes, bar clothes, sightseeing clothes, makeup, jewelry, scarves and toiletries to handle any whim that we may have.
Now, if I can just sleep on the plane, I'll be good to go!
New Years, Part Two
Gil is now included in my Happy New Year's festivities. Gil, welcome aboard! Ya'll this boy can dance, which we heart. And, he is fun. He uses curse words with regularity and can drink better than anyone. The perfect addition!
E-mail Blasts
If you'd like to be included on the e-mail blasts my co-workers demanded, leave a comment saying so. It's like blogs on the go. I need your e-mail address though. If you think I'm Carrie Bradshaw here in New York, lawd you know nothing yet.
Ok so much work to get done so until next week when I can recount my trip in its entirety, I bid you cheerio.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Dr. Widget
So I work with this vendor from time to time, we'll call him Dr. Widget, who goes on television shows and discusses our clients. I don't really work with him directly, my supervisor does more of the wheeling and dealing, but ever since we've begun work with him, something has bothered me tremendously.
Dr. Widget is his stage name. In real life, he has a regular name, let's just say its Tom Smith. When he calls, do you know what he introduces himself as? Dr. Widget. Signs his emails as Dr. Widget. Asks his mail to be addressed to Dr. Widget. I only take issue with one tiny thing - Dr. Widget is NOT A DOCTOR.
I refuse to address him as Dr. anything. When he calls I say Hello, Tom. When I email its Dear Tom. And when I send packages its to Mr. Tom Smith.
But he refuses to call himself otherwise. I am not sure if he knows we are locked in a battle that neither one of us refuses to back down from. Perhaps in real life, his neighbors and local grocery store clerk call him Dr. Widget and I'm the only one who takes extreme offense. NOT ON MY WATCH PAL!!!
If I began to choke on a piece of fruit in front of Dr. Widget, would he be able to do the Heimlich Maneuver and save my life?
If I was to require an emergency trachaeotomy because my windpipe had been crushed, could Dr. Widget perform this medical surgery?
If I broke my leg in a horrific cycling accident, would Dr. Widget know the first thing to do?
NO HE WOULDN'T BECAUSE HE'S NOT A DOCTOR.
How starved are you for attention and how big of a DORK must you be, that you actually have to tout yourself as a doctor, when you're not??
Hey, I have an idea...everyone just start calling me Officer Lia because you know what? I'd like to be a police officer. I just don't want to go to the Police Academy for training. Or wear a uniform, carry a gun and be responsible for the protection and well-being of my fellow citizens. I just think people would think more highly of me as Officer Lia.
Or better yet, call me Professor Lia. Only I don't teach anything, work in academia or publish in journals. I just like the way it sounds.
I hope one day he does get in the situation where he can't help anyone because he has no medical training. And they say, but aren't you Dr. Widget? And he has to say, No! I'm just Tom Smith! Maybe then he'll stop.
Days Until Europe- 2
So last night I bought the most beautiful Jansport BackPack as a symbol of all the world traveling yet to come. Compliments of Mom and Dad for my birthday.
Tonight's mission is to finalize my packing list and prepare for my final load of laundry. Can't wait for tomorrow, when its T-minus-One and counting.
So I work with this vendor from time to time, we'll call him Dr. Widget, who goes on television shows and discusses our clients. I don't really work with him directly, my supervisor does more of the wheeling and dealing, but ever since we've begun work with him, something has bothered me tremendously.
Dr. Widget is his stage name. In real life, he has a regular name, let's just say its Tom Smith. When he calls, do you know what he introduces himself as? Dr. Widget. Signs his emails as Dr. Widget. Asks his mail to be addressed to Dr. Widget. I only take issue with one tiny thing - Dr. Widget is NOT A DOCTOR.
I refuse to address him as Dr. anything. When he calls I say Hello, Tom. When I email its Dear Tom. And when I send packages its to Mr. Tom Smith.
But he refuses to call himself otherwise. I am not sure if he knows we are locked in a battle that neither one of us refuses to back down from. Perhaps in real life, his neighbors and local grocery store clerk call him Dr. Widget and I'm the only one who takes extreme offense. NOT ON MY WATCH PAL!!!
If I began to choke on a piece of fruit in front of Dr. Widget, would he be able to do the Heimlich Maneuver and save my life?
If I was to require an emergency trachaeotomy because my windpipe had been crushed, could Dr. Widget perform this medical surgery?
If I broke my leg in a horrific cycling accident, would Dr. Widget know the first thing to do?
NO HE WOULDN'T BECAUSE HE'S NOT A DOCTOR.
How starved are you for attention and how big of a DORK must you be, that you actually have to tout yourself as a doctor, when you're not??
Hey, I have an idea...everyone just start calling me Officer Lia because you know what? I'd like to be a police officer. I just don't want to go to the Police Academy for training. Or wear a uniform, carry a gun and be responsible for the protection and well-being of my fellow citizens. I just think people would think more highly of me as Officer Lia.
Or better yet, call me Professor Lia. Only I don't teach anything, work in academia or publish in journals. I just like the way it sounds.
I hope one day he does get in the situation where he can't help anyone because he has no medical training. And they say, but aren't you Dr. Widget? And he has to say, No! I'm just Tom Smith! Maybe then he'll stop.
Days Until Europe- 2
So last night I bought the most beautiful Jansport BackPack as a symbol of all the world traveling yet to come. Compliments of Mom and Dad for my birthday.
Tonight's mission is to finalize my packing list and prepare for my final load of laundry. Can't wait for tomorrow, when its T-minus-One and counting.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
* Note, I meant to post this yesterday, but forgot to press publish!
Mexican Food
I've come to terms with the fact that most of this blog deals with food and my obsession with it. Every once in a while, I throw in a story about this or that, but somewhere or another, I usually wind up discussing my various gastronomic adventures. But I'm cool with that and so it shall remain. In ten years I may very well be blogging about my adventures with Jenny Craig and the Weight Watchers crew, but for now, while I'm young, carefree and in complete disregard of my everlasting health. I work out- and I'd like to think that for every bite that goes into my mouth, I negate it on the treadmill. I'll never have a six pack, but I'll never have a gut. And that's fine by me.
Last night, because I knew I was in for the long-haul at work, I ordered myself guacamole and a chicken enchilada. And they were delicious. But not as delicious as they are today because Mexican food is always better the second day. Why is that? No other food, in my experience, is better the second time around. Chinese is kind of...but it's a very distant second to Mexican. It's possibly one of the great mysteries of the world.
Days Until L & P's European Adventure- Four
On today's to-do list is confirm why my hostel has not yet confirmed my reservation. I know they are working on it, because if they are not, I'll die.
Buy a backpack- to symbolize the beginning of all the world traveling I'm going to do!
New Years
Just found out Maria and JC will be in New York for New Year's!!! New Year's is normally my very LEAST favorite holiday, I've never had a fun one. I had one once that was almost fun, until I got belligerently drunk and challenged a ginormous girl to a fight. Which she accepted and then I ran away. So that means now Olivia, Maria, JC, Annette and I, possibly Nick will all be together which is a recipe for success! More than likely Annette and I will wind up having to kiss one another (haha, hand-over-mouth-Hollywood-style of course) but hey, that's okay as long as its all in the name of a good time!
Mexican Food
I've come to terms with the fact that most of this blog deals with food and my obsession with it. Every once in a while, I throw in a story about this or that, but somewhere or another, I usually wind up discussing my various gastronomic adventures. But I'm cool with that and so it shall remain. In ten years I may very well be blogging about my adventures with Jenny Craig and the Weight Watchers crew, but for now, while I'm young, carefree and in complete disregard of my everlasting health. I work out- and I'd like to think that for every bite that goes into my mouth, I negate it on the treadmill. I'll never have a six pack, but I'll never have a gut. And that's fine by me.
Last night, because I knew I was in for the long-haul at work, I ordered myself guacamole and a chicken enchilada. And they were delicious. But not as delicious as they are today because Mexican food is always better the second day. Why is that? No other food, in my experience, is better the second time around. Chinese is kind of...but it's a very distant second to Mexican. It's possibly one of the great mysteries of the world.
Days Until L & P's European Adventure- Four
On today's to-do list is confirm why my hostel has not yet confirmed my reservation. I know they are working on it, because if they are not, I'll die.
Buy a backpack- to symbolize the beginning of all the world traveling I'm going to do!
New Years
Just found out Maria and JC will be in New York for New Year's!!! New Year's is normally my very LEAST favorite holiday, I've never had a fun one. I had one once that was almost fun, until I got belligerently drunk and challenged a ginormous girl to a fight. Which she accepted and then I ran away. So that means now Olivia, Maria, JC, Annette and I, possibly Nick will all be together which is a recipe for success! More than likely Annette and I will wind up having to kiss one another (haha, hand-over-mouth-Hollywood-style of course) but hey, that's okay as long as its all in the name of a good time!
Monday, November 07, 2005
Big Thanks
A big huge thank you to everyone who showed up for LiaPalooza 2005, my semi-surprise birthday party. It meant a lot to me that you took the time out to show up and celebrate my birth! Love to all.
Countdown to Lia's Third Trip Out of the United States, not on a Cruise Ship
It's hard to believe that in almost, nearly 25 years on Planet Earth, I have not yet seen the pyramids of Egypt, the Great Wall of China or the Dead Sea...or any other of the seven wonders of the world. I did make a Life's To-Do list when I was seven because I read everyone should do so in Reader's Digest. Oh what I wouldn't give to know where that list is today. Besides those big dreams, it probably included stuff like owning a Power Wheel and meeting Rainbow Brite (oh wait, I did do that in the San Diego Zoo- hahahahaha, I was so nerdy and cool!)
Anyways, I move one step closer to having personal knowledge of international things THIS FRIDAY!!! I've waited my whole life to go to Europe and NOW I AM GOING!!!! I wasn't excited up until this point, only because I felt it was so far away and I hadn't planned anything yet. But the majority of my weekend was spent booking hostels and planning itineraries- and now it's real. My first times out of the US were on cruise ships...and that so doesn't count because you don't even need your passport to get off the boat. Que boring. My second, official trip out of the US was to Caracas, Venezuela earlier this year. And that was SUPER awesome. But my dream has always been to go to Europe and isn't the third time the charm? London is destination numero uno. And land of my ancestors (and explanation for my love of corned beef and beer)- Dublin- is destination numero dos.
More on this later, as I can't actually go on vacation if I don't do any work today. Lates!
A big huge thank you to everyone who showed up for LiaPalooza 2005, my semi-surprise birthday party. It meant a lot to me that you took the time out to show up and celebrate my birth! Love to all.
Countdown to Lia's Third Trip Out of the United States, not on a Cruise Ship
It's hard to believe that in almost, nearly 25 years on Planet Earth, I have not yet seen the pyramids of Egypt, the Great Wall of China or the Dead Sea...or any other of the seven wonders of the world. I did make a Life's To-Do list when I was seven because I read everyone should do so in Reader's Digest. Oh what I wouldn't give to know where that list is today. Besides those big dreams, it probably included stuff like owning a Power Wheel and meeting Rainbow Brite (oh wait, I did do that in the San Diego Zoo- hahahahaha, I was so nerdy and cool!)
Anyways, I move one step closer to having personal knowledge of international things THIS FRIDAY!!! I've waited my whole life to go to Europe and NOW I AM GOING!!!! I wasn't excited up until this point, only because I felt it was so far away and I hadn't planned anything yet. But the majority of my weekend was spent booking hostels and planning itineraries- and now it's real. My first times out of the US were on cruise ships...and that so doesn't count because you don't even need your passport to get off the boat. Que boring. My second, official trip out of the US was to Caracas, Venezuela earlier this year. And that was SUPER awesome. But my dream has always been to go to Europe and isn't the third time the charm? London is destination numero uno. And land of my ancestors (and explanation for my love of corned beef and beer)- Dublin- is destination numero dos.
More on this later, as I can't actually go on vacation if I don't do any work today. Lates!
Friday, November 04, 2005
If I Had To Be Anyone Other Than Myself
I’ve often wondered…if I had to choose to be someone else on Earth for just one day…who would I be?
Would I be an anonymous rich person and just go blow a bunch of cash and have the best day ever? Starting in a hot air balloon over Greek islands and ending with dinner on top of the Eiffel tower?
Would I be a celebrity so that just for one day I could experience everyone in the world knowing my name?
Would I be a famous person from history so that I could live out something that changed the world? Like my homie Abe Lincoln giving the Emancipation Proclamation or something like that?
Maybe one of the above, maybe none of the above. How could you choose? I never knew if I could..until…my coworker sent me to a Web site.
www.tuckermax.com. It changed my life.
Tucker Max is from Boca (like me). His family owns Max’s Grille, my FAVORITE happy hour spot in South Florida. I spent many a middle school night outside the Max’s Grille in Mizner Park waiting to be old enough to go inside. Some of you may have even been there with me, pulling stunts to pass the time.
Tucker Max is a man whore- and although I wouldn’t want to be a whore in this life or anyone else’s life….if you are going to be a whore you might as well be funny about it. And he is beyond funny- he’s hilarious.
I think, as a wannabe writer, it’s super hard to be funny in the printed word. TUCKER MAX IS A GENIUS. If I have one-tenth of the adventure he has (and you all know I’m working on it) I’ll be a happy camper.
Anyway- check it out- the one person I would be if I could be anyone else. www.tuckermax.com.
Speaking of adventure, be looking forward to the post-weekend blog and I’m sure you all know why.
Peace!
I’ve often wondered…if I had to choose to be someone else on Earth for just one day…who would I be?
Would I be an anonymous rich person and just go blow a bunch of cash and have the best day ever? Starting in a hot air balloon over Greek islands and ending with dinner on top of the Eiffel tower?
Would I be a celebrity so that just for one day I could experience everyone in the world knowing my name?
Would I be a famous person from history so that I could live out something that changed the world? Like my homie Abe Lincoln giving the Emancipation Proclamation or something like that?
Maybe one of the above, maybe none of the above. How could you choose? I never knew if I could..until…my coworker sent me to a Web site.
www.tuckermax.com. It changed my life.
Tucker Max is from Boca (like me). His family owns Max’s Grille, my FAVORITE happy hour spot in South Florida. I spent many a middle school night outside the Max’s Grille in Mizner Park waiting to be old enough to go inside. Some of you may have even been there with me, pulling stunts to pass the time.
Tucker Max is a man whore- and although I wouldn’t want to be a whore in this life or anyone else’s life….if you are going to be a whore you might as well be funny about it. And he is beyond funny- he’s hilarious.
I think, as a wannabe writer, it’s super hard to be funny in the printed word. TUCKER MAX IS A GENIUS. If I have one-tenth of the adventure he has (and you all know I’m working on it) I’ll be a happy camper.
Anyway- check it out- the one person I would be if I could be anyone else. www.tuckermax.com.
Speaking of adventure, be looking forward to the post-weekend blog and I’m sure you all know why.
Peace!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Worst Two Days Ever
Only those of you out there who are in the same line of work as me will truly understand my distress about the following. Yesterday I had it all planned out to leave by 6 (wayyyy early for me), go to the gym, eat dinner and get in bed by 10 with my new book- The Alchemist. Even though I bought the ENTIRE works of Jane Austen, for some reason I’m not as excited to read them as I was when I was feeling high-minded on BarnesandNoble.com.
Anyway, at almost 5 p.m. on the dot, our client calls to tell us she’ll be in town tomorrow and wants to meet at 9:30! AM!!! Not only did I have to finish a release that had been sitting at my desk to be finished, but I had to update our activity grid, create the folders for the meeting, rush to find the assistant to set up breakfast. Que horrific!!
On the way home, we jump into a taxi who has NO idea how to get cross town through the Halloween parade (and if you think NY has freaks on a normal day, you’ve obviously never been propositioned by a 300-pound Fanta “Girl” in NYC on Halloween). We jump out one half hour and one block later, and we weren’t going to pay but then the guilt got the best of me and I threw him $4. It’s not his fault he’s AN IDIOT. Anyways, then I had to walk THROUGH the parade crowds to get to the subway. Horrible. Such WIERDOS! I still made it to the gym, but it was 8:30. Not only that but my iPod wouldn’t turn on –HORROR OF ALL HORRORS IT’S BRAND NEW, I was starving and my timetable was totally thrown off.
Instead of being in bed at 10, I was in bed at midnight, but not before I had totally wasted my time playing Snood instead of cooking a real dinner, instead I had a bag of edamame…again. I forgot I had taped Grey’s Anatomy and totally wasted my time watching something I don’t remember. Ugh! How could I forget?? Dr. Alex- I heart you! Then, P. came home with her brother looking to watch Chapelle’s show and it’s like Red Balls to me…Shazaam! I just have to watch. She also brought home ice cream. Peanut Butter. I couldn’t resist splitting it with her. And I just realized A. left me a Princess Leia (haha, get it?) cupcake which I ate too. Thank God I went to the gym to negate everything I did after I left!
Anyways, I hate it when I have my night planned and then it totally goes wrong! I did everything right!!!
I then woke up on Tuesday, super early, because of aforementioned client meeting. Got to work, started the meeting and everything was going a-okay until I realized I was going to be totally sick. So I ran to the bathroom, puked up my breakfast, grabbed a breath mint and went back to the meeting. Ten minutes later, same thing. I saw it through to the end and then got sent home. Of course, traffic was horrible and I was stuck in the cab for like 45 minutes trying not to get sick all over the place. I finally made it home, c crashed on my couch watching the E! True Hollywood Story of Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson- and I got totally depressed b/c their lives are so freaking awesome.
Anyways, I finally gathered the strength to eat something (guacamole, natch) and then I passed out again. I woke up and went to the gym to get my blood flowing. My gym boyfriend was there- hooray! I then went home, attempted to watch Grey’s Anatomy except, due to the oldness of our TV, when we put the show on mute so we could go to sleep- the TAPE MUTED TOO. DOES ANYONE OUT THERE HAVE THIS TAPED???? PLEASE SEND IT TO APARTMENT 5C WE ARE DYING!!!!!!!
Then P. and A. had to do something para mi cumpleanos, entonces, I went to my room to read the Alchemist- which is awesome thus far! As a matter of fact, I made it three quarters of the way through the book in an hour. It’s not very long. I attempted to go to sleep around 10 but didn’t fall asleep until like 11:30 b/c the temperature in my room was neither hot nor cold and I couldn’t get comfortable. Not even one leg out of the blanket worked- my usual trick! Instead, I was half wrapped in my comforter, half not. It was horrible.
Then, in the middle of the night I woke up and my throat was on fire. Worst night’s sleep ever!!!!
Today, needless to say, I am slightly cranky. :(
Only those of you out there who are in the same line of work as me will truly understand my distress about the following. Yesterday I had it all planned out to leave by 6 (wayyyy early for me), go to the gym, eat dinner and get in bed by 10 with my new book- The Alchemist. Even though I bought the ENTIRE works of Jane Austen, for some reason I’m not as excited to read them as I was when I was feeling high-minded on BarnesandNoble.com.
Anyway, at almost 5 p.m. on the dot, our client calls to tell us she’ll be in town tomorrow and wants to meet at 9:30! AM!!! Not only did I have to finish a release that had been sitting at my desk to be finished, but I had to update our activity grid, create the folders for the meeting, rush to find the assistant to set up breakfast. Que horrific!!
On the way home, we jump into a taxi who has NO idea how to get cross town through the Halloween parade (and if you think NY has freaks on a normal day, you’ve obviously never been propositioned by a 300-pound Fanta “Girl” in NYC on Halloween). We jump out one half hour and one block later, and we weren’t going to pay but then the guilt got the best of me and I threw him $4. It’s not his fault he’s AN IDIOT. Anyways, then I had to walk THROUGH the parade crowds to get to the subway. Horrible. Such WIERDOS! I still made it to the gym, but it was 8:30. Not only that but my iPod wouldn’t turn on –HORROR OF ALL HORRORS IT’S BRAND NEW, I was starving and my timetable was totally thrown off.
Instead of being in bed at 10, I was in bed at midnight, but not before I had totally wasted my time playing Snood instead of cooking a real dinner, instead I had a bag of edamame…again. I forgot I had taped Grey’s Anatomy and totally wasted my time watching something I don’t remember. Ugh! How could I forget?? Dr. Alex- I heart you! Then, P. came home with her brother looking to watch Chapelle’s show and it’s like Red Balls to me…Shazaam! I just have to watch. She also brought home ice cream. Peanut Butter. I couldn’t resist splitting it with her. And I just realized A. left me a Princess Leia (haha, get it?) cupcake which I ate too. Thank God I went to the gym to negate everything I did after I left!
Anyways, I hate it when I have my night planned and then it totally goes wrong! I did everything right!!!
I then woke up on Tuesday, super early, because of aforementioned client meeting. Got to work, started the meeting and everything was going a-okay until I realized I was going to be totally sick. So I ran to the bathroom, puked up my breakfast, grabbed a breath mint and went back to the meeting. Ten minutes later, same thing. I saw it through to the end and then got sent home. Of course, traffic was horrible and I was stuck in the cab for like 45 minutes trying not to get sick all over the place. I finally made it home, c crashed on my couch watching the E! True Hollywood Story of Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson- and I got totally depressed b/c their lives are so freaking awesome.
Anyways, I finally gathered the strength to eat something (guacamole, natch) and then I passed out again. I woke up and went to the gym to get my blood flowing. My gym boyfriend was there- hooray! I then went home, attempted to watch Grey’s Anatomy except, due to the oldness of our TV, when we put the show on mute so we could go to sleep- the TAPE MUTED TOO. DOES ANYONE OUT THERE HAVE THIS TAPED???? PLEASE SEND IT TO APARTMENT 5C WE ARE DYING!!!!!!!
Then P. and A. had to do something para mi cumpleanos, entonces, I went to my room to read the Alchemist- which is awesome thus far! As a matter of fact, I made it three quarters of the way through the book in an hour. It’s not very long. I attempted to go to sleep around 10 but didn’t fall asleep until like 11:30 b/c the temperature in my room was neither hot nor cold and I couldn’t get comfortable. Not even one leg out of the blanket worked- my usual trick! Instead, I was half wrapped in my comforter, half not. It was horrible.
Then, in the middle of the night I woke up and my throat was on fire. Worst night’s sleep ever!!!!
Today, needless to say, I am slightly cranky. :(
Monday, October 31, 2005
Sienna Miller’s Deal with Satan gets Sweeter
I’m definitely convinced Sienna Miller has signed a deal with Satan. There is no reason why her list of ex-boyfriends is as comprehensive (and impressive) as it is, or any reason why she is touted as a fashion icon. My feeling is that Lucifer has a little something to do with it.
The dealbreaker came today when I see that Sienna is now dating Craig David. I have crushes on two British celebrities - David Beckham and Craig David. Hmm…I just now noticed that both those names have the name David involved. I wonder if this is a sign. When Becks grows tired of Posh, I'm sure I will sweep in for the kill. But until that time, Sienna is NOT allowed to date Craig David. Only I can. She has officially gone too far and that is why I’m calling her out. Bitch, step off or I will kick your Bohemian ass.
Atlantic City
As many of you know, I was in Atlantic City this weekend with mamadukes and company. One hundred dollars, and zero Beyonce sightings later, I return to New York City. I did, however, drive past the 40/40 Club which means not all was lost.
Have you ever bought Mary Kate Olsen-sized sunglasses on the Boardwalk for a dollar? I have thanks to Atlantic City.
Did you and your mom both lose (at separate times thank God) $40 in 4.5 minutes? We did, in Atlantic City, on black jack and roulette, respectively.
Have you ever seen a former 1950’s greaser pimping out his own mother through dance? Cause I have. Thanks to Atlantic City.
I’m definitely convinced Sienna Miller has signed a deal with Satan. There is no reason why her list of ex-boyfriends is as comprehensive (and impressive) as it is, or any reason why she is touted as a fashion icon. My feeling is that Lucifer has a little something to do with it.
The dealbreaker came today when I see that Sienna is now dating Craig David. I have crushes on two British celebrities - David Beckham and Craig David. Hmm…I just now noticed that both those names have the name David involved. I wonder if this is a sign. When Becks grows tired of Posh, I'm sure I will sweep in for the kill. But until that time, Sienna is NOT allowed to date Craig David. Only I can. She has officially gone too far and that is why I’m calling her out. Bitch, step off or I will kick your Bohemian ass.
Atlantic City
As many of you know, I was in Atlantic City this weekend with mamadukes and company. One hundred dollars, and zero Beyonce sightings later, I return to New York City. I did, however, drive past the 40/40 Club which means not all was lost.
Have you ever bought Mary Kate Olsen-sized sunglasses on the Boardwalk for a dollar? I have thanks to Atlantic City.
Did you and your mom both lose (at separate times thank God) $40 in 4.5 minutes? We did, in Atlantic City, on black jack and roulette, respectively.
Have you ever seen a former 1950’s greaser pimping out his own mother through dance? Cause I have. Thanks to Atlantic City.
Friday, October 28, 2005
More Celebrity Sightings
This week has been full of celebrity sightings and few things make me happier. I'm talking five people- a new weekly record!
Friday, October 21- While on a pub crawl and visiting the SoHo grand, I spot Jack Osbourne across the room, sans drink of course, since he just got out of rehab. No one else believed it was him since he recently became skinny. I got angry because NO ONE knows a celebrity better than me. Everyone expects them to glow with some shiny aura, but SURPRISE they look just like you and I but with better plastic surgery access, I mean, better access to nutritionists and personal trainers. Anywho, it was Jack Osbourne.
Wednesday, October 26- I attend the party for the premiere issue of Inked Magazine, sponsored by Bombay Sapphire and Sapporo beer. As we all know, nothing goes better with tattoos and gin than hip-hop and I go with full expectations to see Missy Elliot, who was supposed to be there. I am disappointed I don't see her, but I do see Joy Bryant and Quddus and Sway from MTV. Joy knows 50 cent, which means technically, I saw someone who knows 50 cent. And that, to me, is awesome.
Thursday, October 27- I head over to LaGuardia Airport to pick up my mama, and lo and behond, Queen of All Celebrity Spotters- my mom- spots Kwame Jackson from the Apprentice just ahead of us in the taxi line. That's where the skillz come from ya'll. Anyways, we then proceed to have a loud conversation about the Apprentice and I'm sure he hears. But then we move on to ER and he probably relaxed. Anyways, Kwame is tall! And he had really nice shoes on. He should I guess, he's like a multi-millionaire now. That bastard.
Anyways, I'm out to Atlantic City for the weekend, where I'll have my eyes wide open for celebrities doing bad things. I'll take a special stroll past Jay-Z's new 40/40 club that just opened in the hopes of spotting Missy...or, if there is a God, seeing Beyonce.
This week has been full of celebrity sightings and few things make me happier. I'm talking five people- a new weekly record!
Friday, October 21- While on a pub crawl and visiting the SoHo grand, I spot Jack Osbourne across the room, sans drink of course, since he just got out of rehab. No one else believed it was him since he recently became skinny. I got angry because NO ONE knows a celebrity better than me. Everyone expects them to glow with some shiny aura, but SURPRISE they look just like you and I but with better plastic surgery access, I mean, better access to nutritionists and personal trainers. Anywho, it was Jack Osbourne.
Wednesday, October 26- I attend the party for the premiere issue of Inked Magazine, sponsored by Bombay Sapphire and Sapporo beer. As we all know, nothing goes better with tattoos and gin than hip-hop and I go with full expectations to see Missy Elliot, who was supposed to be there. I am disappointed I don't see her, but I do see Joy Bryant and Quddus and Sway from MTV. Joy knows 50 cent, which means technically, I saw someone who knows 50 cent. And that, to me, is awesome.
Thursday, October 27- I head over to LaGuardia Airport to pick up my mama, and lo and behond, Queen of All Celebrity Spotters- my mom- spots Kwame Jackson from the Apprentice just ahead of us in the taxi line. That's where the skillz come from ya'll. Anyways, we then proceed to have a loud conversation about the Apprentice and I'm sure he hears. But then we move on to ER and he probably relaxed. Anyways, Kwame is tall! And he had really nice shoes on. He should I guess, he's like a multi-millionaire now. That bastard.
Anyways, I'm out to Atlantic City for the weekend, where I'll have my eyes wide open for celebrities doing bad things. I'll take a special stroll past Jay-Z's new 40/40 club that just opened in the hopes of spotting Missy...or, if there is a God, seeing Beyonce.
Monday, October 24, 2005
The Normal People, Part Dos
As further proof that New York is full of f*ing psycho’s, the following is a REAL letter that a REAL friend of mine received on MySpace- the home of networking, fun time-wasting and Internet stalkers.
I have added my personal commentary in blue. Be warned, I got kind of pissed the further down I went, b/c this is so ludicrous. Funny but ludicrous.
Dear A-
I would like to apologize for clogging your inbox with this message (so why are you doing it a-hole), but I found your ad so irresistible that I had no choice but to write to you.
My name is Trent and I recently moved to New York City. I have only known one true happiness in the world, and that is the unmitigated joy of a woman. (Obviously he has never dealt with a woman with a period. No woman on planet Earth provides unmitigated joy.) My life's passion is to give everything of myself to a woman--to devote my every waking thought to her happiness and to endeavor to play a part in the fulfillment of her life.
I began my journey in high school as I approached women as a submissive maid and errand boy. (In high school, we called people like this “nerds.”) What began as a simply rendezvous to clean their house (and by this I mean “vagina”) would almost inevitably find it's way into transcendent conversation. To this day I still speak to several of the women that I served in my formative years.
I followed this path through college. My personal life would vacillate from dating a sorority girl for six months, to becoming deeply involved as a woman's servant for the next six. There wasn't much rhyme or reason to my movements--I simply followed what felt natural at the moment, but I began to find that the relationships where I acted as a woman's slave were remarkable. No two encounters were ever the same (whereas I could often mark the geography of a traditional relationship with a map--understanding where I would find myself after the third date or second month). What initially began as a simple arrangement of my doing a woman's errands and chores would inevitably lead somewhere else. (Cause nothing says let’s be more than friends than hey, can you scrub my toilet while you’re at it?) I might find myself hiking to the top of a mountain at dawn for yoga poses, training a woman for a marathon or hosting a dinner party for her friends. (Where did you go to school, loser? What about doing my homework during football games? Now that would have been useful.)
It took a while to place my finger on the pulse of the situation, but, when I finally found it, the truth was simple: By building a relationship of unmitigated honesty (yada yada), devoted to the sole purpose of finding a way to be a part of a woman's happiness (you could start by being a little less long-winded), we both found a place devoid of the usual constraints of inhibition. By freeing myself of any desire beyond contributing to the woman's life, by making myself her slave, she began to grow in a completely unbounded way.
Throughout college I worked as an assistant to a lawyer, but one day we stumbled upon the topic of submission and the relationship morphed into slavery. I acted as assistant, sissy maid, (huh?) errand boy, cook, chauffeur and personal trainer to her and her daughter (GROSS! And how can you be both sissy maid and personal trainer? I smell sexual confusion.). It was perhaps the most fulfilling 18 moths (moths? You can actually use the word transcendental in a sentence, but had a trouble with the word “month”) my life, and what drove me forward in the world. (Sorry but your mom’s birth canal actually did this…)
I found myself living with two dominant women this year--as their roommate to the world, but slave in actuality. I truly enjoyed my time with them, but one of the women recently became engaged and asked that I simply be her flatmate. I find such transitions too painful, and so I came to New York to write and find a new owner in this magical city. (Aha! He’s English- no wonder!)
I am seeking a woman to take me as her property. I am eager to be your maid, assistant, errand boy, chauffeur, masseur, personal trainer--literally ANYTHING you ask of me, will be done. To the world I will simply be your employee and friend (aka gigolo a-hole), but you will know the joys of having a handsome man cleaning your house in the outfit of your choosing. (The scent of sexual confusion becomes stronger.) The ability to wake me from a deep slumber at 3 am to fetch a favorite snack; an attractive man to work like a dog for you and your friends' amusement, and a true and constant confidant. Through this time I will be completely devoted to you, but you will be free of any restraints to pursue your romantic desires. (Grow a sac dude!)
I suppose a little more about me would be helpful. I am a 25 year-old Jewish man. I love music, theatre, movies, sports and literature. I am clean-cut and well spoken. I have a great relationship with my parents and have worked as a personal trainer and personal assistant at the highest levels. (Of what? I would bet this guy weighs a buck-oh-five soaking wet).
Would you have any interest in allowing me to be your slave?
Best,
XX
Seriously- what is wrong with people? I was laughing so hard when I read this, my co-workers actually had to ask me what was so funny so I told them. As it turns out, THIS IS COMMON. My one co-worker had a friend who had a slave for a short time. It so happens I have met this girl and she’s in a band called the Flaming Vagina Lips, or something like that anyways, but still??? I mean this is seriously weird to advertise and even weirder that someone WANTS this. I will forever be amazed by peopl but this makes me angry for some reason.
I HATE THIS MOVIE POSTER
On an unrelated note, does this movie poster scare the living sh** out of everyone, or is it just me?
I have to see this every time I get on the subway and in my morning blur, I hate seeing this red-eyed beak-y bird thing starting at me with those two fingers. I hate it more than words can express. Thank you very much for ruining my morning commute you indy bastards.
As further proof that New York is full of f*ing psycho’s, the following is a REAL letter that a REAL friend of mine received on MySpace- the home of networking, fun time-wasting and Internet stalkers.
I have added my personal commentary in blue. Be warned, I got kind of pissed the further down I went, b/c this is so ludicrous. Funny but ludicrous.
Dear A-
I would like to apologize for clogging your inbox with this message (so why are you doing it a-hole), but I found your ad so irresistible that I had no choice but to write to you.
My name is Trent and I recently moved to New York City. I have only known one true happiness in the world, and that is the unmitigated joy of a woman. (Obviously he has never dealt with a woman with a period. No woman on planet Earth provides unmitigated joy.) My life's passion is to give everything of myself to a woman--to devote my every waking thought to her happiness and to endeavor to play a part in the fulfillment of her life.
I began my journey in high school as I approached women as a submissive maid and errand boy. (In high school, we called people like this “nerds.”) What began as a simply rendezvous to clean their house (and by this I mean “vagina”) would almost inevitably find it's way into transcendent conversation. To this day I still speak to several of the women that I served in my formative years.
I followed this path through college. My personal life would vacillate from dating a sorority girl for six months, to becoming deeply involved as a woman's servant for the next six. There wasn't much rhyme or reason to my movements--I simply followed what felt natural at the moment, but I began to find that the relationships where I acted as a woman's slave were remarkable. No two encounters were ever the same (whereas I could often mark the geography of a traditional relationship with a map--understanding where I would find myself after the third date or second month). What initially began as a simple arrangement of my doing a woman's errands and chores would inevitably lead somewhere else. (Cause nothing says let’s be more than friends than hey, can you scrub my toilet while you’re at it?) I might find myself hiking to the top of a mountain at dawn for yoga poses, training a woman for a marathon or hosting a dinner party for her friends. (Where did you go to school, loser? What about doing my homework during football games? Now that would have been useful.)
It took a while to place my finger on the pulse of the situation, but, when I finally found it, the truth was simple: By building a relationship of unmitigated honesty (yada yada), devoted to the sole purpose of finding a way to be a part of a woman's happiness (you could start by being a little less long-winded), we both found a place devoid of the usual constraints of inhibition. By freeing myself of any desire beyond contributing to the woman's life, by making myself her slave, she began to grow in a completely unbounded way.
Throughout college I worked as an assistant to a lawyer, but one day we stumbled upon the topic of submission and the relationship morphed into slavery. I acted as assistant, sissy maid, (huh?) errand boy, cook, chauffeur and personal trainer to her and her daughter (GROSS! And how can you be both sissy maid and personal trainer? I smell sexual confusion.). It was perhaps the most fulfilling 18 moths (moths? You can actually use the word transcendental in a sentence, but had a trouble with the word “month”) my life, and what drove me forward in the world. (Sorry but your mom’s birth canal actually did this…)
I found myself living with two dominant women this year--as their roommate to the world, but slave in actuality. I truly enjoyed my time with them, but one of the women recently became engaged and asked that I simply be her flatmate. I find such transitions too painful, and so I came to New York to write and find a new owner in this magical city. (Aha! He’s English- no wonder!)
I am seeking a woman to take me as her property. I am eager to be your maid, assistant, errand boy, chauffeur, masseur, personal trainer--literally ANYTHING you ask of me, will be done. To the world I will simply be your employee and friend (aka gigolo a-hole), but you will know the joys of having a handsome man cleaning your house in the outfit of your choosing. (The scent of sexual confusion becomes stronger.) The ability to wake me from a deep slumber at 3 am to fetch a favorite snack; an attractive man to work like a dog for you and your friends' amusement, and a true and constant confidant. Through this time I will be completely devoted to you, but you will be free of any restraints to pursue your romantic desires. (Grow a sac dude!)
I suppose a little more about me would be helpful. I am a 25 year-old Jewish man. I love music, theatre, movies, sports and literature. I am clean-cut and well spoken. I have a great relationship with my parents and have worked as a personal trainer and personal assistant at the highest levels. (Of what? I would bet this guy weighs a buck-oh-five soaking wet).
Would you have any interest in allowing me to be your slave?
Best,
XX
Seriously- what is wrong with people? I was laughing so hard when I read this, my co-workers actually had to ask me what was so funny so I told them. As it turns out, THIS IS COMMON. My one co-worker had a friend who had a slave for a short time. It so happens I have met this girl and she’s in a band called the Flaming Vagina Lips, or something like that anyways, but still??? I mean this is seriously weird to advertise and even weirder that someone WANTS this. I will forever be amazed by peopl but this makes me angry for some reason.
I HATE THIS MOVIE POSTER
On an unrelated note, does this movie poster scare the living sh** out of everyone, or is it just me?
I have to see this every time I get on the subway and in my morning blur, I hate seeing this red-eyed beak-y bird thing starting at me with those two fingers. I hate it more than words can express. Thank you very much for ruining my morning commute you indy bastards.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Where Have All the Normal Boys Gone?
Inspired by another blog I read this morning on the lack of tall boys, I’d like to expand on that notion and say where are the normal boys in general?
Six weeks single, I’m just beginning to open my eyes to the possibilities. And then I shut them again because the possibilities are HORRIFYING.
First of all, whatever happened to chivalry? For those of you who ride the NY subways, you know there is an etiquette to getting on and off the train. First, you wait for people to get off. And then you get on. I know it sounds complicated, but you get the hang of it soon enough. The only caveat is a crowded arriving train, you have to allow a few seconds for those caught up in the middle to find their way to the exits. Well today, Mr. Big and Important Dickwad, pushes right past me (and for the record, I was standing in the much-coveted first-person-to-get-on spot) to go past, except WAIT, there is still people coming off…cause he didn’t allow for the extra few seconds rule! He is forced to take a few steps back to allow the passengers to exit. So I, newly-minted bitch that I am, give him a dirty look and rightfully assume my position to enter first. And I do. But I wonder- what the hell is wrong with him? I’m a girl and I’m in the front. Even if you did think I was taking too long to get on the train, why wouldn’t you let me go first? Because CHIVALRY IS DEAD that’s why. And because he’s an ASSHOLE.
Two, whatever happened to eye contact? Is it just me or do boys now think that girls know what they are thinking through magic and ESP? There is no use of the eye sockets anymore. Am I supposed to guess that you’re checking me out or just realize it out of the corner of my eye YOU SHY-ASS BASTARDS. I hate you! Grow some balls and say hello!
Third, in the rare instances boys do get their acts together and don’t annoy me with number one or number two, they are PSYCHOTIC. I don’t want to hear that you do drugs with your parents and that “it’s so awesome because being high with your dad is funny.” Or, when I don’t respond to your inquiries to meet, it doesn’t mean you get to e-mail me 96 times just to make sure “I’m receiving your messages because you haven’t written back yet.” I’m writing back now bitches and it’s to tell you I HATE YOU!!! I don’t even know you and I hate you.
Am I bitter? Yes, very possibly. I am in New York damn it and I am realizing Sex and the City was partly based on fantasy and lies!! Can you believe it??? There is no cute guy reading a book in the park like I am so that we can magically meet through witty conversation. The only guy in the park next to me is homeless and giving me scary hunger-filled looks as I eat my crackers. And he’s got no shoes on.
Inspired by another blog I read this morning on the lack of tall boys, I’d like to expand on that notion and say where are the normal boys in general?
Six weeks single, I’m just beginning to open my eyes to the possibilities. And then I shut them again because the possibilities are HORRIFYING.
First of all, whatever happened to chivalry? For those of you who ride the NY subways, you know there is an etiquette to getting on and off the train. First, you wait for people to get off. And then you get on. I know it sounds complicated, but you get the hang of it soon enough. The only caveat is a crowded arriving train, you have to allow a few seconds for those caught up in the middle to find their way to the exits. Well today, Mr. Big and Important Dickwad, pushes right past me (and for the record, I was standing in the much-coveted first-person-to-get-on spot) to go past, except WAIT, there is still people coming off…cause he didn’t allow for the extra few seconds rule! He is forced to take a few steps back to allow the passengers to exit. So I, newly-minted bitch that I am, give him a dirty look and rightfully assume my position to enter first. And I do. But I wonder- what the hell is wrong with him? I’m a girl and I’m in the front. Even if you did think I was taking too long to get on the train, why wouldn’t you let me go first? Because CHIVALRY IS DEAD that’s why. And because he’s an ASSHOLE.
Two, whatever happened to eye contact? Is it just me or do boys now think that girls know what they are thinking through magic and ESP? There is no use of the eye sockets anymore. Am I supposed to guess that you’re checking me out or just realize it out of the corner of my eye YOU SHY-ASS BASTARDS. I hate you! Grow some balls and say hello!
Third, in the rare instances boys do get their acts together and don’t annoy me with number one or number two, they are PSYCHOTIC. I don’t want to hear that you do drugs with your parents and that “it’s so awesome because being high with your dad is funny.” Or, when I don’t respond to your inquiries to meet, it doesn’t mean you get to e-mail me 96 times just to make sure “I’m receiving your messages because you haven’t written back yet.” I’m writing back now bitches and it’s to tell you I HATE YOU!!! I don’t even know you and I hate you.
Am I bitter? Yes, very possibly. I am in New York damn it and I am realizing Sex and the City was partly based on fantasy and lies!! Can you believe it??? There is no cute guy reading a book in the park like I am so that we can magically meet through witty conversation. The only guy in the park next to me is homeless and giving me scary hunger-filled looks as I eat my crackers. And he’s got no shoes on.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Natural Disasters and Soy Beans...
I have been thinking a lot lately about the natural disasters that have occurred since last December. What is going on with Earth? Is she pissed that God is only talking to Dubya?
Within the last ten months we’ve had a tsunami, a hurricane and most recently an earthquake. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t all that we are missing is a tornado, a meteorite striking and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius?
I’m just getting nervous that’s all.
Edamame...mmmmmm
As many of you know, a few months back, I was having a bit of trouble controlling the frequency with which I was eating guacamole and goat cheese. Not together…but I’d have one for lunch and one for dinner because I was craving it like it was crack.
I’m glad to say I’ve kicked those habits, although I do sometimes suffer a breakdown in the grocery store having to walk on by. But I’m glad to report I’ve found an equally addicting but more healthy food- edamame!
First of all, they are so fun to eat. Pop em out of their pods and into your mouth- good times! Second, they taste even better with salt! Fun to eat, and can be eaten with salt- it’s like I’ve died and gone to soy bean heaven! The bad news is that I’ve discovered a grocery store that sells bags of these little guys…and last night I ate a whole bag. And then ate more for lunch today. Stay tuned for my impending detox….
I have been thinking a lot lately about the natural disasters that have occurred since last December. What is going on with Earth? Is she pissed that God is only talking to Dubya?
Within the last ten months we’ve had a tsunami, a hurricane and most recently an earthquake. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t all that we are missing is a tornado, a meteorite striking and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius?
I’m just getting nervous that’s all.
Edamame...mmmmmm
As many of you know, a few months back, I was having a bit of trouble controlling the frequency with which I was eating guacamole and goat cheese. Not together…but I’d have one for lunch and one for dinner because I was craving it like it was crack.
I’m glad to say I’ve kicked those habits, although I do sometimes suffer a breakdown in the grocery store having to walk on by. But I’m glad to report I’ve found an equally addicting but more healthy food- edamame!
First of all, they are so fun to eat. Pop em out of their pods and into your mouth- good times! Second, they taste even better with salt! Fun to eat, and can be eaten with salt- it’s like I’ve died and gone to soy bean heaven! The bad news is that I’ve discovered a grocery store that sells bags of these little guys…and last night I ate a whole bag. And then ate more for lunch today. Stay tuned for my impending detox….
Friday, October 07, 2005
I Knew It!!!
One of the reasons why it is so important we don’t just read American media, is that you find out information that you just won’t see covered on NBC, CBS, Fox, ABC or CNN.
Today’s News Independent, a British newspaper has the following story on its front page today:
Headline: Bush: God told me to invade Iraq (http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americas/article317805.ece)
We will NEVER see this story in an American newspaper, and if for some reason we do- I’ll be the first to die from shock. I’ll even stick a needle in my chest if it doesn’t happen naturally. Apparently Bush made this statement at a meeting with Palestinian leaders in June 2003 according to a BBC report to air later this month.
I AM PRAYING that this can be corroborated by tape, witnesses, something, somebody, anywhere!
If there is not, I think the conversation probably went something like this...
God: Psst, George. Hey George! Wake up, it's me...God.
George: Laura, get off me, get off. It's God, goddamit. Wait just a second.
God: I had an idea. I wanted to run it by you.
George: Laura, I said stop. God, sorry, what can I do ya?
God: Listen, I thought you should go to war with Iraq.
George: Kill a bunch of people? You're on board with that? You know I've been thinking about it.
God: Yeah, I'm for it. Why not? Besides, I think Dick Cheney's bank account is dipping into the low tens of millions. This'll help him out.
George: OK, cowboy. You got it. Ok, ignore my screams in just a few here once Laura here gets back to business.
Ugh!!!!
One of the reasons why it is so important we don’t just read American media, is that you find out information that you just won’t see covered on NBC, CBS, Fox, ABC or CNN.
Today’s News Independent, a British newspaper has the following story on its front page today:
Headline: Bush: God told me to invade Iraq (http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americas/article317805.ece)
We will NEVER see this story in an American newspaper, and if for some reason we do- I’ll be the first to die from shock. I’ll even stick a needle in my chest if it doesn’t happen naturally. Apparently Bush made this statement at a meeting with Palestinian leaders in June 2003 according to a BBC report to air later this month.
I AM PRAYING that this can be corroborated by tape, witnesses, something, somebody, anywhere!
If there is not, I think the conversation probably went something like this...
God: Psst, George. Hey George! Wake up, it's me...God.
George: Laura, get off me, get off. It's God, goddamit. Wait just a second.
God: I had an idea. I wanted to run it by you.
George: Laura, I said stop. God, sorry, what can I do ya?
God: Listen, I thought you should go to war with Iraq.
George: Kill a bunch of people? You're on board with that? You know I've been thinking about it.
God: Yeah, I'm for it. Why not? Besides, I think Dick Cheney's bank account is dipping into the low tens of millions. This'll help him out.
George: OK, cowboy. You got it. Ok, ignore my screams in just a few here once Laura here gets back to business.
Ugh!!!!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Best Week Ever
Although this week has been one of the most stressful of my life at work, it has also wound up being one of the best. I did get reamed twice, which sucked. But in between...
I won an I-Pod from a survey I did with a vendor. This was fortuitous as the battery on mine has died repeatedly since May. Will the new one be as cute as my current? No. But that's okay so long as I get my full eight hours bitches.
Second, I got a free Dyson from work. Dyson vacuums are like $600. Mine- $0. I vacuumed all ten feet of our apartment, and goddamit, this thing can suck dirt like nothing I've ever seen. I think I'm in love.
Third, America Ferrara, movie star, was in our offices yesterday. Not quite as big as my other celebrity sightings, but anyone who knows me knows that any brush I have with Hollywood is cause for celebration.
Fourth, I actually can say someone in today's PAGE SIX is my friend. My friend Crazy Legs is donating to Katrina relief, and I know him bitches!! Check out www.pagesix.com and then look at this picture. That's me. And Crazy Legs. I can now officially cross this dream off of my life's to-do list.
And Friday, I'm going to tape a segment to be on 20/20. Yes that's right. Yours truly is going to be sharing airtime with Barbara Walters. Watch out Hugh Downs.
Although this week has been one of the most stressful of my life at work, it has also wound up being one of the best. I did get reamed twice, which sucked. But in between...
I won an I-Pod from a survey I did with a vendor. This was fortuitous as the battery on mine has died repeatedly since May. Will the new one be as cute as my current? No. But that's okay so long as I get my full eight hours bitches.
Second, I got a free Dyson from work. Dyson vacuums are like $600. Mine- $0. I vacuumed all ten feet of our apartment, and goddamit, this thing can suck dirt like nothing I've ever seen. I think I'm in love.
Third, America Ferrara, movie star, was in our offices yesterday. Not quite as big as my other celebrity sightings, but anyone who knows me knows that any brush I have with Hollywood is cause for celebration.
Fourth, I actually can say someone in today's PAGE SIX is my friend. My friend Crazy Legs is donating to Katrina relief, and I know him bitches!! Check out www.pagesix.com and then look at this picture. That's me. And Crazy Legs. I can now officially cross this dream off of my life's to-do list.
And Friday, I'm going to tape a segment to be on 20/20. Yes that's right. Yours truly is going to be sharing airtime with Barbara Walters. Watch out Hugh Downs.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Sorry Betty Crocker…
A few weeks back I discovered I had a package of Betty Crocker mashed potatoes (garlic butter and herb to be exact) but no box. Anyone who is familiar knows that the box gives the cooking instructions and normally I can’t wing it. However, figuring I could make them anyways, since I’ve eaten them at least once a week since the age of 4, I attempted to eyeball the ingredients so that I could have them with my steak. Once again, the domestic goddess within shined through and I wound up with mashed potato soup.
Disgusted by my own ineptitude, I walked to the store to buy more (because I simply can’t eat steak without potatoes) and to my dismay, found they only had Idaho Spuds. Saying a silent sorry to Betty C., I purchased the Spuds.
That was like three weeks ago and three boxes of Idaho Spuds later, we are officially best friends. I don’t know what kind of magic potatoes they use, but boy are these guys amazing. And they are filling even when I don’t have the energy to cook something else to accompany them. With just a little water, milk and butter, Idaho Spuds transfer from mere potato flakes into semi-solid delicousiness. Although Betty C. will always hold a special place in my heart, I’m afraid she just can’t live up to the standards set forth by Idaho. Sorry Betty Crocker.
A few weeks back I discovered I had a package of Betty Crocker mashed potatoes (garlic butter and herb to be exact) but no box. Anyone who is familiar knows that the box gives the cooking instructions and normally I can’t wing it. However, figuring I could make them anyways, since I’ve eaten them at least once a week since the age of 4, I attempted to eyeball the ingredients so that I could have them with my steak. Once again, the domestic goddess within shined through and I wound up with mashed potato soup.
Disgusted by my own ineptitude, I walked to the store to buy more (because I simply can’t eat steak without potatoes) and to my dismay, found they only had Idaho Spuds. Saying a silent sorry to Betty C., I purchased the Spuds.
That was like three weeks ago and three boxes of Idaho Spuds later, we are officially best friends. I don’t know what kind of magic potatoes they use, but boy are these guys amazing. And they are filling even when I don’t have the energy to cook something else to accompany them. With just a little water, milk and butter, Idaho Spuds transfer from mere potato flakes into semi-solid delicousiness. Although Betty C. will always hold a special place in my heart, I’m afraid she just can’t live up to the standards set forth by Idaho. Sorry Betty Crocker.
Friday, September 30, 2005
It's Days Like This...
Even as I write this I'm in a hotel room on the beach in North Carolina...I've got the patio door open, I'm laying in bed, I could probably stay here forever if I could be supplied a never-ending stream of books, decent food and of course, millions of dollars in the instance I decide to venture out.
It's days like this that I am happy to be where I currently am, and alternately sad that I can't yet afford to live like this every day..not just on business trips. I wish I could just throw open the doors to my beach house, work on my next best-selling novel and revel in my own greatness and wealth....wouldn't that be nice?
However, I did just get a promotion ..(I'll let the applause die down) and what I suppose would be a good raise, but wasn't an amount of money that's going to get me that beach house anytime soon. I truly like my job, I'm challenged by it and I'm genuinely interested in trying to become the best...but I'm always tempted to quit and work on my book, which would no doubt be optioned for a movie, which I would of course negotiate to receive a portion of the profits from, therefore rendering me an instant millionaire. I had an offer to quit, move in with someone and try to do just that....but I turned it down and sometimes you can't help but wonder if that was the right decision after all. Cause let's face it, that would be pretty f*ing awesome to do. Instead, I'm going to try and do it the hard way...work on the book by night when I'm mentally exhausted and tempted by Lost, the OC, Reunion, Law and Order, CSI and pretty much all of Court TV to push to the side. Which happens more often that it does not (and by that I mean like 98% of the time...) Sigh....
Well, my introspective a$$ has to go take myself down to happy hour before we go out to dinner. Woe is me....maybe this job isn't too bad after all....
Peace
Even as I write this I'm in a hotel room on the beach in North Carolina...I've got the patio door open, I'm laying in bed, I could probably stay here forever if I could be supplied a never-ending stream of books, decent food and of course, millions of dollars in the instance I decide to venture out.
It's days like this that I am happy to be where I currently am, and alternately sad that I can't yet afford to live like this every day..not just on business trips. I wish I could just throw open the doors to my beach house, work on my next best-selling novel and revel in my own greatness and wealth....wouldn't that be nice?
However, I did just get a promotion ..(I'll let the applause die down) and what I suppose would be a good raise, but wasn't an amount of money that's going to get me that beach house anytime soon. I truly like my job, I'm challenged by it and I'm genuinely interested in trying to become the best...but I'm always tempted to quit and work on my book, which would no doubt be optioned for a movie, which I would of course negotiate to receive a portion of the profits from, therefore rendering me an instant millionaire. I had an offer to quit, move in with someone and try to do just that....but I turned it down and sometimes you can't help but wonder if that was the right decision after all. Cause let's face it, that would be pretty f*ing awesome to do. Instead, I'm going to try and do it the hard way...work on the book by night when I'm mentally exhausted and tempted by Lost, the OC, Reunion, Law and Order, CSI and pretty much all of Court TV to push to the side. Which happens more often that it does not (and by that I mean like 98% of the time...) Sigh....
Well, my introspective a$$ has to go take myself down to happy hour before we go out to dinner. Woe is me....maybe this job isn't too bad after all....
Peace
Thursday, September 29, 2005
The Online Dating Game
Being newly single I’ve been contemplating the world of online dating. A surprising amount of friends and co-workers are on Match.com and J-Date.com and I just read an article today about how the stigma from online dating is now gone.
I’m just not so sure. First of all, I’ve heard that its mostly honest girls, like myself, being e-mail bombed largely by sleazy, short, fat and balding older guys. This is not true across the board and you totally have the power to not respond and block people…but who wants to sit there and weed out 1000 losers to meet one potential loser?
On the other hand, I don’t think there’s ever been one time in my life (or in the lives of my friends) that I’ve met someone at a bar, at a club or any place like that. I don’t think I have any parties coming up and my friends are like 98 percent female which eliminates the friends-of-friends idea….
Just something to contemplate…
I’ll be back in a few days, going on a business trip until Saturday. Lates!
Being newly single I’ve been contemplating the world of online dating. A surprising amount of friends and co-workers are on Match.com and J-Date.com and I just read an article today about how the stigma from online dating is now gone.
I’m just not so sure. First of all, I’ve heard that its mostly honest girls, like myself, being e-mail bombed largely by sleazy, short, fat and balding older guys. This is not true across the board and you totally have the power to not respond and block people…but who wants to sit there and weed out 1000 losers to meet one potential loser?
On the other hand, I don’t think there’s ever been one time in my life (or in the lives of my friends) that I’ve met someone at a bar, at a club or any place like that. I don’t think I have any parties coming up and my friends are like 98 percent female which eliminates the friends-of-friends idea….
Just something to contemplate…
I’ll be back in a few days, going on a business trip until Saturday. Lates!
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
More Hollywood Marraiges Gone Horribly Wrong
Thanks to A.G. for sending this morning another reason why young Hollywood need not get married. In the last three days, the following couples are announcing or will be announcing their divorces...
- Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray- marriage duration: 4 months (This soooo better not affect this season of One Tree Hill or I'll be super angry)
- Tori Spelling and her Unknown Actorish Boyfriend- marriage duration: 1 year (Proving the age old adage that billions of dollars + no acting talent + a resume with movies like "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger" = washed up Donna)
- Jaime Lynn Sigler and her Manager Boyfriend- marriage duration 2 years (snooze)
Expected, at least on my end to let the truth free soon:
- Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (Oh come on, you know they're only together b/c they have those ABC contracts for Nick and Jessica's Corny Holiday Extravanzas)
- Britney and Kevin- When he dumps for a Vegas stripper (my prediction anyways, b.c really isn't that only like one step below Britney to begin with? )
- Demi and Ashton- I know they just got married like a day ago, but she's crafty that Demi...she'll get pregnant and then one up Ashton by dating a fetus.
Thanks to A.G. for sending this morning another reason why young Hollywood need not get married. In the last three days, the following couples are announcing or will be announcing their divorces...
- Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray- marriage duration: 4 months (This soooo better not affect this season of One Tree Hill or I'll be super angry)
- Tori Spelling and her Unknown Actorish Boyfriend- marriage duration: 1 year (Proving the age old adage that billions of dollars + no acting talent + a resume with movies like "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger" = washed up Donna)
- Jaime Lynn Sigler and her Manager Boyfriend- marriage duration 2 years (snooze)
Expected, at least on my end to let the truth free soon:
- Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (Oh come on, you know they're only together b/c they have those ABC contracts for Nick and Jessica's Corny Holiday Extravanzas)
- Britney and Kevin- When he dumps for a Vegas stripper (my prediction anyways, b.c really isn't that only like one step below Britney to begin with? )
- Demi and Ashton- I know they just got married like a day ago, but she's crafty that Demi...she'll get pregnant and then one up Ashton by dating a fetus.
Your Brother Didn't Rap Aaron Carter....Mine Did
Many of you may know my little brother, some of you out there may even be related to him. If you have met Lil L. you know that his life is not like others. He knows everyone, sees everything. Have you ever battle rapped Aaron Carter? Cause Lil L. did. And won. Dirty style.
Apparently Aaron lives in Margate and popped into the club my brother promotes. I should preface this by saying that I've always hated Aaron Carter. I thought he was super corny. And living in the shadow of an older brother named Nick Carter, the absolute worst of the Backstreet Boys, is not any way to become famous.
But luckily my little bro avenged the wrong done on the world when Aaron Carter decided to pursue a career in music. While Aaron was doing pre-written rhymes about money and guns, my little bro freestyled the following...in his own words...
"now ur up on stage tryin to rap for applause, but how gangsta can u be at the teen choice awards?"
"your only famous cuz of ur sibling, family like paris n nicki hilton, better yet jessica and ashlee simpson"
(then he started dancing so i gave it to em even worse)
look at this kid, skinny lookin lik cancer, looks like im the famous one, and ur my backup dancer"
"you see how ghetto i am, tryin to win>? whatd u think? its past ur curfew lil boy, ur not even old enuff to drink"
And the one that sent him packing...
"what was your name again?, AC that not very smart see, cuz for the past 10 mins i thought u were Jesse Mccartney"
awwww yeah!
Many of you may know my little brother, some of you out there may even be related to him. If you have met Lil L. you know that his life is not like others. He knows everyone, sees everything. Have you ever battle rapped Aaron Carter? Cause Lil L. did. And won. Dirty style.
Apparently Aaron lives in Margate and popped into the club my brother promotes. I should preface this by saying that I've always hated Aaron Carter. I thought he was super corny. And living in the shadow of an older brother named Nick Carter, the absolute worst of the Backstreet Boys, is not any way to become famous.
But luckily my little bro avenged the wrong done on the world when Aaron Carter decided to pursue a career in music. While Aaron was doing pre-written rhymes about money and guns, my little bro freestyled the following...in his own words...
"now ur up on stage tryin to rap for applause, but how gangsta can u be at the teen choice awards?"
"your only famous cuz of ur sibling, family like paris n nicki hilton, better yet jessica and ashlee simpson"
(then he started dancing so i gave it to em even worse)
look at this kid, skinny lookin lik cancer, looks like im the famous one, and ur my backup dancer"
"you see how ghetto i am, tryin to win>? whatd u think? its past ur curfew lil boy, ur not even old enuff to drink"
And the one that sent him packing...
"what was your name again?, AC that not very smart see, cuz for the past 10 mins i thought u were Jesse Mccartney"
awwww yeah!
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