Whatever Happened to My Tolerance?

Ever since I began working, my social life Sunday-Thursday totally disappeared. At first, this was very traumatic to me, as during college, I very much had a drinking and dancing schedule that absolutely required me to be in various bars and clubs every night of the week except Sunday, motivated by the fear of missing the best night ever. That was back when I was young and spry and could still take notes after getting home at 4 a.m. and waking up at 7:30 a.m. One time, I actually did not even go to sleep and studied for a test I had at 8. I got an A. Jesus H. Christ are those days looong gone.

Or are they? Lately I have been trying to figure out why it’s so damn difficult to not have a fuzzy head when you go out during the week. I was never warned that there would come a day where I could not concentrate if I had a few drinks the night before. Didn’t I deserve some kind of ticker counting down the days until I was officially old? Doesn’t everyone? Did I just lose the amazing tolerance and mental capacity I obviously possessed ages 18-22? I was fed up. So I have attempted to turn back time the last two months or so with the implementation of “Thursday is the New Friday” happy hour at work, which has been a resounding success, if I don’t say so myself. We defy convention and go out on Thursdays, not only because Friday sucks, but because it helps prove you can go out during the week and not want to kill yourself the next day.

Last night, I decided to one up myself and went out drinking on a Wednesday. I have been humbled. Spaced out over a four-hour period, I had two beers and two glasses of wine. I ate dinner. I drank water. Goddamit I did everything right!!! Why, then, oh why, do I feel like I could die right in my chair right this second? I am so tired, my eyes could very literally fall right out of my head and roll out across my desk. This sucks and I hate it. I actually had to lay down for 15 minutes at lunch time to rest my eyes. WHAT THE HELL.

I am going to cowboy up though and go out for happy hour tonight, and my mission is to last at least one drink. Stay tuned for my impending death by exhaustion.