Living alone does have its perks, namely in that I can drag my Bose speaker into my bathroom and sing at the top of my lungs in the shower without fear of ridicule - at least not from roommates, my neighbors probably I have their thoughts. But I hardly see them so I don't let that get in the way. Sometimes though, I have to admit, I think I sound pretty good.
Anyway, I've been battling with my emotions pretty good the last week or so. I have officially started doing freelance PR and writing, and though everything is going great it's been extremely stressful trying to think ahead, manage my money and keep motivated. The mental exhaustion has been tough to deal with but there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. I found a three-month sublet for my place, I've lined up work through the end of April and I had a good month writing and learning the tricks of the trade.
Saturday night it all kind of caught up to me though, no thanks to three bud lights, a Red bull and a slice of pizza that I spilled cayenne pepper flakes all over. I put on a brave face, but it carried through Sunday when I got some shocking news (to be revealed later) and I spent most of Sunday lying in GC's bed, alternately sleeping, crying, being on the phone and watching him do his taxes until I was finally tempted out of the room with spaghetti and the third installment of John Adams. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, I've been blessed to find an amazing boyfriend who gives me a hug when I'm sad and knows that the way to make me feel better is with food and entertainment. Thank god for you, GC. :)
In any case, this morning I trudged back home in the rain feeling a bit down, but the walk did me good. When I got home, I found a story I had written had been posted and I didn't know it (good for another $150 on my invoice) and that helped turn my mood around a bit and then I worked and felt a bit better. However, I got in the shower and turned on my iPod and the first three songs of the shuffle just seemed to speak to every emotion I've had the last few days and helped me feel a bit normal again.
The first was "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks. I've listened to this song hundreds of times, but when I listened to it today I walked away with something a bit different. Normally, I've applied the words to the world around me - having no regrets, going full-force into city life, etc. - but today I applied the words to myself. I'm not ready to back down against what I want out of my life. I'm disciplined enough to do what I've set out to this time and if I just keep working hard - facing rejection letters, putting out clips teeny bits at a time, I'll get there and I'll have done it my way. When all is said and done, I know that will be a good feeling. I just have to keep at it.
The second was "Working 9 to 5" by Dolly Parton. Over the weekend, GC's improv group played a dance remix of the song while the theater filled and I really liked it. So I downloaded it and for the first time, I really listened to the words. It reinforced what I'm trying to do for myself, taking my life into my own hands and not working for someone who ultimately reaps the benefits of my thoughts and hard work.
Third and finally was "No One" by Alicia Keys. I hardly talk about it on here because I like to keep it a bit separate, but I felt it was appropriate since the song came up in the shuffle. It's not an exact fit to GC and my relationship and we have many other songs that we think apply to us, but the idea of knowing that there is someone in this world who cares about you, who loves you and supports you no matter what, is something I can't quantify. I'll be moving in with GC and his super amazing roommates for three months this summer, which he offered to me because he knew how much saving that money could help along my dream. Again, I'd put how much this means to me in words, but there are none that would do. The songs speaks about not letting anything get in the way of what you feel for someone, and I honestly couldn't love GC more if I tried.
On that sappy note, I'll go. Just cause, I've pasted the words to all the songs below in case anyone else feels the need for some inspiration. I'm now settling in for some Law & Order and Time Magazine (two more things that make me happy) and I'll wake up tomorrow, hopefully ready to go again.
Not Ready to Make Nice
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
Workin' 9 to 5
Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin, stretchin, try to come to life
Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5
Chorus:
Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that i
Would deserve a fair promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss wont seem to let me in
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me
Mmmmm...
They let your dream
Just a watch em shatter
Youre just a step
On the boss mans a ladder
But you got dream hell never take away
On the same boat
With a lot of your friends
Waitin for the day
Your shipll come in
And the tides gonna turn
An its all gonna roll you away
2nd chorus:
Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And you never get the credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
Theres a better life
And you think that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it
3rd chorus:
Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use you mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
Fade:
9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
Theres a better life
And you dream that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it
No One
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel
I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there is no one
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Did You Ever Notice...
Did you ever notice that God has a funny way of redeeming you when you least expect it? I'm by no means a religious person - I think my friend G. says it best, I'm Catholic a la carte - but I've seen this twice now in the last couple of days and it's been a nice affirmation that what you give is equal to what you get.
First, someone close to me, who has been having a bit of a financial situation recently suddenly came into some money when they needed it most. Without going into detail - the money was quite literally, a godsend. And it was nice to actually see that sometimes unanswered prayers are unanswered for a reason. You'll get yours when it's time.
Second, my own experience. As many of you know, I've recently started working for myself as a freelance writer and PR person - a freelance communications expert if you will. It's been just about a week and I've been very busy, so far so good. However, the decision was not without its uncertainty and sleepless nights. Today I got an insulting email from someone that reinforced to me why I'm better off working for myself. Not long after, I received an incredible work opportunity that will keep me afloat and help further me along the path I'm looking to travel. It was all I could do to not respond to the insulting email with a giant you-know-what, but alas, I'm a professional and I fully believe that you won't get far in business by treating people like s***. And so with that fully in mind, I took the high road and will continue to do so. Funny how something that makes you so angry is almost immediately tempered with something that made me relieved/happy. It's almost as if God was saying - take a deep breath, you're doing just fine.
First, someone close to me, who has been having a bit of a financial situation recently suddenly came into some money when they needed it most. Without going into detail - the money was quite literally, a godsend. And it was nice to actually see that sometimes unanswered prayers are unanswered for a reason. You'll get yours when it's time.
Second, my own experience. As many of you know, I've recently started working for myself as a freelance writer and PR person - a freelance communications expert if you will. It's been just about a week and I've been very busy, so far so good. However, the decision was not without its uncertainty and sleepless nights. Today I got an insulting email from someone that reinforced to me why I'm better off working for myself. Not long after, I received an incredible work opportunity that will keep me afloat and help further me along the path I'm looking to travel. It was all I could do to not respond to the insulting email with a giant you-know-what, but alas, I'm a professional and I fully believe that you won't get far in business by treating people like s***. And so with that fully in mind, I took the high road and will continue to do so. Funny how something that makes you so angry is almost immediately tempered with something that made me relieved/happy. It's almost as if God was saying - take a deep breath, you're doing just fine.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Working from home has its privelages
I just heard a dog get run over and dragged down the street by a taxi. I heard the impact and the screaming and I thought someone had gotten shot. I ran to my window and the old ladies on the street were going crazy. Good times. For me...not the dog.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Huffington Post
omg! i'm on it!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lia-lobello/ae-flashing-gene-sim_b_91458.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lia-lobello/ae-flashing-gene-sim_b_91458.html
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
And another thing!
And another thing pissing meoff today the more I think about it - Silda Wall Spitzer, wife of my fallen hero, Elliott Spitzer, stood by as Elliott pretty much confessed to using a high-priced prostitute on several occasions.
I'm sorry, but NO WAY IN HELL, would I stand on a podium in show of support for my husband if he was just caught having sex with another woman. That bastard could stand up there all alone and let the empty space to his right do the talking.
Why do these wives always stand up there? Let that penis-driven a-hole suffer his humiliation alone! Stand up for ladies, ladies!!!
I'm sorry, but NO WAY IN HELL, would I stand on a podium in show of support for my husband if he was just caught having sex with another woman. That bastard could stand up there all alone and let the empty space to his right do the talking.
Why do these wives always stand up there? Let that penis-driven a-hole suffer his humiliation alone! Stand up for ladies, ladies!!!
Disgusting
I have been repulsed that VH1 has been promoting Gene Simmons' reality show by touting the number of women he has slept with. Today, a study was released that says 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD, and last time I checked, we still haven't cured AIDS. Why then, would a national cable network be so irresponsible as to basically promote promiscuity? It's reprehensible and they should be ashamed they've stooped so low.
And we wonder why young girls dress and women feel the need to dress like prostitutes and flash their vaginas to get a magazine to write about them.
What is wrong with our culture?
And we wonder why young girls dress and women feel the need to dress like prostitutes and flash their vaginas to get a magazine to write about them.
What is wrong with our culture?
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Celeb Spotting
On a happier note than yesterday - I saw Peter Sarsgaard walking in Soho this morning. Yeah!
Monday, March 03, 2008
Here We Go Again...
To start, a summary of my life, to this point.
I was born, went to college and graduated. Got my first job, at age 23, in South Florida. Hated the job, hated the people, left job when bosses found out I was looking for new jobs - decided to move to New York.
Moved to New York. Turned 24. Got new job. At first, loved the job, loved the people. Over time, hated the job. Stayed 2 years, decided to move back to Florida.
Age 25. Decided not to move back to Florida. Did not work for 6 months. Spent $9,000. Turned 26. (Lest you judge, only a portion of this went to alcohol. A good amount went to coffee. The rest went to regular bills.) Did some freelancing, but decided I needed to go back to work to pay off my credit card debt. Instantly hated job.
Today - now 27, horrifically in debt from a combination of student loans and credit card bills. A rough estimate is somewhere in the neighborhood of $32,000. I intern for a magazine - which I love and today, quit a job that I hate.
The problem? I now need to temp and work part-time and pray that it's enough to pay my rent, eat, pay my bills and get this debt down. I want to write a book. I want to write full time for a magazine.
The problem? I'm now 27 years old! Everyone around me is getting engaged or married or buying houses. Taking vacations to locales I only dream about. Making six figures. And not that I need those things, yet, but I'm completely confused on how everyone seems to be doing all this. Is it at the cost of their day to day happiness? Is this is what life is outside of New York? How do I get my slice of the pie? How do I do without losing my sanity? My work/life balance? My sense of self?
Over the past five years, I've had bosses who've tried to "break me," to insult me into thinking I wasn't good enough to leave, who have asked "Isn't that retarded?" in response to a strategy I've proposed, who have told me the way I scratch my nose "is disgusting." (The consensus is that the way I scratch my nose, is indeed, "cute." I don't want to work for people anymore. I've been so beat down and abused by the crazy bosses I've had, that I feel like I am done. How then, do I make my place in the world without sacrificing myself? I don't want to have to walk into a workplace every day and feel the need to defend myself, if need be. To be on alert for the possible insult sent my way and be ready with a snappy response to put someone in their place. I'm not capable of it - because I don't want to be.
So, in two weeks, I am once again jobless, after suffering yet another debilitating go in an industry that I am now completely finished with. I just can't take it anymore. But the question is - where do I go from here? With magazines cutting staff faster than ever, can I make my way in this new world? I'm going to try - but what if I fail? What then? I feel like, before I know it, I'll be 30, in a debt I will be paying until I'm 60, with nothing to show for all the time, effort and sleepless nights I've spent.
Maybe this is some thing everyone deals with and suffers with silently. Does it have to be? Have I done something wrong in winding up in these professional situations? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I'm not sure I care. If every choice you make leads you to where you're supposed to be - my question is, where the hell am I going?
I was born, went to college and graduated. Got my first job, at age 23, in South Florida. Hated the job, hated the people, left job when bosses found out I was looking for new jobs - decided to move to New York.
Moved to New York. Turned 24. Got new job. At first, loved the job, loved the people. Over time, hated the job. Stayed 2 years, decided to move back to Florida.
Age 25. Decided not to move back to Florida. Did not work for 6 months. Spent $9,000. Turned 26. (Lest you judge, only a portion of this went to alcohol. A good amount went to coffee. The rest went to regular bills.) Did some freelancing, but decided I needed to go back to work to pay off my credit card debt. Instantly hated job.
Today - now 27, horrifically in debt from a combination of student loans and credit card bills. A rough estimate is somewhere in the neighborhood of $32,000. I intern for a magazine - which I love and today, quit a job that I hate.
The problem? I now need to temp and work part-time and pray that it's enough to pay my rent, eat, pay my bills and get this debt down. I want to write a book. I want to write full time for a magazine.
The problem? I'm now 27 years old! Everyone around me is getting engaged or married or buying houses. Taking vacations to locales I only dream about. Making six figures. And not that I need those things, yet, but I'm completely confused on how everyone seems to be doing all this. Is it at the cost of their day to day happiness? Is this is what life is outside of New York? How do I get my slice of the pie? How do I do without losing my sanity? My work/life balance? My sense of self?
Over the past five years, I've had bosses who've tried to "break me," to insult me into thinking I wasn't good enough to leave, who have asked "Isn't that retarded?" in response to a strategy I've proposed, who have told me the way I scratch my nose "is disgusting." (The consensus is that the way I scratch my nose, is indeed, "cute." I don't want to work for people anymore. I've been so beat down and abused by the crazy bosses I've had, that I feel like I am done. How then, do I make my place in the world without sacrificing myself? I don't want to have to walk into a workplace every day and feel the need to defend myself, if need be. To be on alert for the possible insult sent my way and be ready with a snappy response to put someone in their place. I'm not capable of it - because I don't want to be.
So, in two weeks, I am once again jobless, after suffering yet another debilitating go in an industry that I am now completely finished with. I just can't take it anymore. But the question is - where do I go from here? With magazines cutting staff faster than ever, can I make my way in this new world? I'm going to try - but what if I fail? What then? I feel like, before I know it, I'll be 30, in a debt I will be paying until I'm 60, with nothing to show for all the time, effort and sleepless nights I've spent.
Maybe this is some thing everyone deals with and suffers with silently. Does it have to be? Have I done something wrong in winding up in these professional situations? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I'm not sure I care. If every choice you make leads you to where you're supposed to be - my question is, where the hell am I going?
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