First Christmas Tree
So last night, I bought my first Christmas tree, it’s so cute. Just 3 1/2 feet tall and fits perfectly in the corner of my living room. Before I bought it, I got prepared and bought Christmas ornaments and lights. Then I picked up the tree and headed home. It was so light, I could carry it in my hand. And the way home, some little man, there was something wrong with him, but he was so cute, he looked the tree up and down and then said, “Nice Tree.” So cute! I was like “Thanks!!!

I got the tree home and up all five flights of stairs with not a needle lost. I get in the stand and get it standing up. I was so proud I took a picture, which is coming soon. I then decided I’d get to work on the lights.

Paying no attention whatsoever, I took the lights out of the box and started to unwind them. An hour later I had a huge knot, but I just figured I had messed up somewhere and that I had to get through the worst to get to the better. Two hours later, I’m watching Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer and I’m not quite aware I’m still untangling. Three hours later, I’m watching Law & Order and although I’m not quite sure why I’m still untangling I continue to do so. Four hours later, and I’m just beginning CSI when Annette comes home. I inform her I’ve been untangling for four hours and she sits down to help. About 25 minutes later, she picks up the box to see how the hell these things are supposed to be. She then informs me I’m a moron and that the lights are mesh. They’re supposed to be this net. I vaguely remember that when I took them out of the box, they were shaped in concentric circles. As it turns out, you’re supposed to put the top of the tree through the center and the lights drape down, so it looks like you strung lights through the branches, but in fact, you did not. FUUUUUUUCK. I untangled for FOUR HOURS. At least I thought I was untangling. I was in fact, destroying the lights. Which were beyond repair and instead of spending their first lighting on the tree, spent them in the trash. Luckily they were only $3.99 which may also be why those bitches didn’t come with DIRECTIONS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH RITE AID!!!

Alex Trebek
No one person on Earth inspires such hatred in me as Alex Trebek, though I continue to watch Jeopardy, but only to test my own knowledge. If he had a massive heart attack and died right during a Daily Double, I’d stand up and cheer. I hate the way he has to pretend like he knows all the accents when the answer involved another language b/c A.) He does not know all the accents and B.) He sucks at accents. I also hate the way he pretends like he knew the answer when someone answers incorrectly. He’s so condescending, like “Nooooo Mary, I’m sorry. The correct answer is, “What is Mount Kilomanjaro?” Then he always repeats with a useless fact, just to “impress” us, like “Mount Kilomanjaro, located in the Iberian Peninsula, lovely place.” FUCK YOU ALEX!! Like everyone at home doesn’t know you have the f*ing answer on a computer screen in front of you! And no one cares what you think of the Iberian Peninsula. God I hate him!

Anyways, last night, the first round opens and Alex actually says, “Get ‘er done.” I was like what the fuck??? Did Alex just say Get ‘er done??? Now we’re supposed to think he’s hip AND smart??? Can’t you just die already Alex? Die!