People Tell Me Inappropriate Things

I have one of those faces that says "trust me." When I began driving and I needed to pick my friends up in their gated communities, the security guards hardly ever checked my name and the house I was going to. No sooner had I rolled the window a quarter of the way down, they were waving me through with hardly a second glance. I'm convinced I could have an extremely successful career in breaking and entering if I was so inclined.

I also seem to send out a vibe that says "tell me your life story, I really want to hear it." People will tell me their horrible tales of sadness or joy, ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends if I even so much as smile at them.

Yesterday, I was sitting at the coffee shop writing my marathon post from yesterday, when the owner of the coffee shop asked me what I was doing. We've become friendly over the course of the last few weeks, since I've spent an inordinate amount of time there reading the newspaper, magazines and books because I've have no job at the moment (which believe it or not, is starting to get boring, but more on that later.) Anyways, so I say "oh, nothing. just writing" and he says, "Oh, well I was hoping you'd be looking at porn."

I was kind of taken back because my first thought was, if I was looking at porn, I probably wouldn't be doing it here. But my second thought was, why would you say that to me? Out of all responses, that's what you tell me? I think a more appropriate response would have been "Writing what?" But hey, that's just me.

Thankfully I recovered quickly and said, "Well, when I'm looking at porn I'll give you the signal to come over" and then I gave him what the signal would be. He then requested a different signal and we agreed upon it. Then he left for the day, because this exchange occurred as he was leaving for the day. The whole situation was very bizarre and it got me thinking about some of the other wierd things people have said to me lately such as:

- "Great, just what I need, another woman to lie to me."

- "Yeah she is cute...too bad I don't know who her father is."

- "Your friend is a bitch."

- "Would you like me to sing you an Irish song I learned?" (To this, I actually said yes and then joined in. This took place in a cab. But that's wierd anywhere else in the world.)

- "Yes, they used to tell me, shut up you Haitian bastard! I'm not even Haitian!"

- "Hi, yes I'm a psychotherapist and I meet all my clients at coffee shops. It's hard to sit next to people who won't listen into our conversations, you wouldn't mind terribly moving over one spot?" (In truth, I didn't mind at all and offered to do it, but why would she put the thought in my head to listen in? I totally did, of course, and it was awesome.)

Yankees Hat

I can't reiterate enough that we are so over, but my Gym Boyfriend was wearing a Yankees hat today and it looked really cute. Coincidentally, I lost my Yankees hat in my room somewhere and can't find it. But then on the treadmill, I began to wonder if my Gym Boyfriend actually stole it and now wears it so that we can be closer together. I think it's totally possible. Tricky tricky, Gym Boyfriend, tricky tricky...but I'm onto you.