Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Why I Hate Britney Spears

While watching the train wreck that was Britney Spears a few weeks ago, one thought kept recurring in my mind. That is- when I could actually unfocus from the obvious – the cleavage, the eyelash coming detached, the rat’s nest hair, the see through shirt and the mini skirt I thought for sure was going to go above her head. Obviously, as a public relations executive, I was horrified on many levels.

More on my recurring thought in a second. Britney and I are roughly the same age – she’s 23 and I’m 25 – so unlike some pop stars like Madonna, I can actually remember the things she was doing right around the time she was doing them and think things to myself like wow, when I was 18 I hadn’t done this or that or whatever. But I was never a fan of Britney Spears. Sure I know her songs, they play them so damn much you can’t help it and I like them just fine, but I was never one of those Britney-obsessed girls. I didn’t like her. So anyways, while I’m watching the Dateline interview, all I kept thinking was – does she really not get it? Is she really that thick? She spent her entire career courting the media, teasing them with provocative photos, doing sexy performances, skin baring outfits, barely there videos and so on and so forth. And I admit, she had a slamming body and was cute as a button. But then you look at her now – hair a mess, walking barefoot into bathrooms, husband who looks like any white rapper wanna be in America, and I think to myself…you seriously don’t understand why people would be fascinated on how someone go from that to this in just a matter of two years or so? I’d be fascinated if it was someone I actually knew, nevermind a girl who spent her whole life perfecting the image of the prom queen tease and now looks like crap- all in the media spotlight? I mean come on! You can’t spend your whole life trying to be the number one pop culture discussion item (um and please don’t forget Britney and Kevin’s Chaotic, which was desgined to provoke) and then have the balls to complain when the media takes it too far!

Then…what really gets me going is that in the two weeks following, following the TV segment where she begs and cries to be left alone, she has not ONE but TWO magazine spreads about herself and her pregnancy! Does that sound like someone who doesn’t want to be in the spotlight? Even worse, in the new Harper’s Bazaar, she’s naked and topless in the photos! Does THAT sound like someone who doesn’t want people talking? Come on! Get off your high horse you stupid ‘ho! (yes I said ‘ho- she’s trashtastic!) You’re an attention whore! So get over it and start dealing with the attention you obviously crave! Because if you didn’t crave it…you’d just disappear like every other star in Hollywood who doesnt' want to be in the tabloids.

Ugh!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The We-Bomb and Need Your Help

The We-Bomb

I would define my current state as single and semi-looking. Therefore, when I meet someone new, I can always jump ahead and begin imagining our future together. I know, I know…crayyyyyzeeeee. However, anyways, today I met a Mark Ruffalo lookalike who I thought was cute until he started using what I like to call the we-bomb.

Boys and girls use the we-bomb differently. When a girl uses the we-bomb she could be referring to anyone – her boyfriend, her roommate, her co-worker, her girlfriend. Girls require no pretext when using the we-bomb. In any story, she’ll drop in a we-bomb and no one thinks twice.

When a boy uses the we-bomb he is only referring to his significant other. Otherwise, he will say my roommate and I, my boy and I, or what have you. I believe this stems from the subconscious desire to let the opposite party know that he is indeed single…and ready to mingle if you will.

Would you Read This Book?

Among the following two opening paragraphs, I need genuine feedback on which one piques your interest more. Thanks in advance – I’ll thank you in my Pulitzer Prize Speech. And if Pulitzer Prize winners don’t give speeches – f* that, I’ll start the trend.

1. ) I sat in my car, in the grocery store parking lot across the street from my office building, listening to the 80s lunch hour with DJ Donny B on the radio. With the air conditioner blasting away to keep the South Florida heat at bay, I ate my sandwich and sang silently to “I Think We’re Alone Now.”

I sat contemplating the building just across the way, an inconspicuous bank building that unbeknownst to all passers-by, housed what I had nicknamed “Hell on Earth,” the public relations firm of O’Shanahan and Goldsmith.

O’Shanahan and Goldsmith had been my professional home for just about seven months. My first job out of college and where I did public relations for hospitals and lawyers. It was a far cry from the glamorous job I pictured when I was in school. I had imagined velvet ropes, parties, lunches with reporters and general fabulousness. Instead, I toiled away in a 8 X 10 office with some of worst human beings ever placed on planet Earth.

2.) The alarm rang with its brain-splitting shriek directly into my left ear at approximately 6:47 a.m. on Monday, May 3, 2003. I bolted upright out of my semi-asleep state and hit the off button. Today was my first day of work. The beginning of my Career. The day that all my schooling, professional development, after-school and intramural activities, careful grooming and endless studying, culminated into my becoming a Successful Person, one on the very short path to millionairehood.

I was incredibly scared and wished I was back in college. I’m sorry to admit it, but that indeed was my first thought on the first day of my Career.

I would have given my left arm for just one more day of weekend. I say left and not right because I don’t rely on my left arm nearly as much as I rely on my right arm. I wasn’t so desperate that I would have given my right arm. Anyways, I would have given my left arm for one more day to postpone the inevitable, the day I officially became an adult. The day where I could literally watch my responsibility-free life disappear before my very eyes. If the Devil had appeared with a hacksaw for my arm and the offer to turn back time I most definitely would have accepted his offer. I waited for a few moments to see if Lucifer felt like making an appearance, and when he did not, I got out of bed to brush my teeth.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Conversations and Ruminations

I had a very nice conversation today with someone, somewhat out of nowhere. It’s funny to me how this happens sometimes. You start talking to someone about one thing, but then wind up on a completely different topic, and you wind up thinking on that all day.

What started as a joke, turned into a conversation about life and how to enjoy it. How to make sure that you get out what you put in. How to make sure that you aren’t ruminating too much on things that bring you down, or make you feel bad and keeping negativity out of your life. And I realized, that the last few years, I’ve been allowing too much of this to creep into my daily existence.

One of the things I liked most about my younger self is that I never let anything get to me. Most things rolled off my back and I can’t remember ever staying up at night or worrying about anything.

Somewhere during college that started to shift. I started worrying about money when I saw my student loan debt growing, started worrying about finding a job, worrying about tests, etc. Then I graduated and that got worse. I wasn’t living where I wanted or doing what I wanted. I found myself getting obsessed by people I didn’t like and what’s worse, I didn’t balance that with people I did like or the things I liked doing.

Then I moved to NYC and I’ve found myself once again not as involved in my own life as I’d like to be. When I moved, I promised myself I’d take dance classes, that I’d go to the park every weekend, go to Broadway shows, that I’d learn Italian, that I’d read more. Instead, each night I come home too exhausted to do much but watch TV and talk to my roommates for a little while. I've done pretty good on weekends, but not as good as I could have and I'm not sure why. Each day is just like the next, even in the biggest and most dynamic city in the world.

So…now that I’ve got the chance to start over yet again, and believe me I am very happy for yet another chance to do so, I am going to do it better. I’d like to start participating in my life a bit more. I don’t want to work to death, as a matter of fact, work, while important, is no longer my life’s goal. I now see work as a means to end, the end being the things I want to do. Which include learning new things and doing the things I enjoy. At 25, I’d like to start being 25…not 55, like I sometimes feel.

So thank you to my friend who confirmed that I’m not crazy, that this is something everyone realizes (or chooses to realize) and validated to me that what I’m doing, what I’m embarking on, is right. The journey starts next Friday, when I leave for my two week vacation and return with nothing before me but time to get back to center. I have bought a ton of books and I have zero plans. And I can’t…freaking…wait.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Best Celebrity Spotting...EVER

About six months ago, my roommate invited me to go see a play with her and her friend visiting from out of town. I was busy, and a little strapped for cash, so I declined.

That night she had the greatest celebrity spotting ever….the Hoff. As in David Hasselhoff. Needless to say, I was furious. I hardly ever beg out of anything for monetary reasons, I’m a firm believer in being entertained at all times, no matter what the cost. So the fact that I had done this was infuriating enough. To be slapped with the double whammy of a Hoff sighting, the only one I’ve ever heard of, was akin to torture. I had a feeling I could never top it.

Fast forward to yesterday. Columbus Circle at 57th St. I was heading back to my apartment from visiting a friend, and I decided that despite the sweltering humidity (and if a Floridian is saying this, you know it’s bad) that I would walk home.

I was rewarded for my valiant effort with the only celebrity spotting that I knew could top my roommate’s Hoff sighting….I saw Vinny Chase. Adrian Grenier.

My roommate is in LOVE with Adrian Grenier, as I suspect, are many women in America. I’m sorry to report that Vinny Chase does not look any better in person, he looks the exact same. His eyes are very blue and he is currently sporting a very large fro. He was with one of those girls, who upon first glance is pretty…think Ukranian Super Model type. But then you look again and she’s a butter face (everything looks good, butter face – just say it out loud).

Anyways, I tried to catch his eye to see if he would dash over and leave U.S.M. behind, ask me out and then whisk me off to the upcoming The Devil Wears Prada premiere, but I couldn’t. And so I continued walking and it was just as well. I had won a battle I didn’t think I had any chance of winning. And victory was sweet indeed.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Rascal Flatts

So, I know I’m a little late in the game in discovering these guys, but a couple of months ago someone mentioned they were going to a concert and it sparked me to download their music. Which I did, but I didn’t transfer onto my iPod for a couple of months. About a week ago, I finally moved it over and now I’m totally obsessed. I have about 11 songs that I’ve listened on constant repeat and now I have them memorized and I need more. Anyways, if you’ve never checked them out, I highly recommend them.

More Cowbell

In preparation for my upcoming vacation, I’ve been doing some strategic shopping. I went online to my favorite T-Shirt site and bought two shirts. One with the outline of Kenya, and inside the outline it says – “Kenya Dig It?” So awesome.

But not as awesome as the second shirt, which I bought for the select few, that as I’m walking down the street, will “get.” Its says “More Cowbell” and has a photo of a cowbell.

If you have any idea what this means, chances are we are friends and I love you dearly. If you do not have any idea what this means, allow me to learn ya’:

If you do not think this is one of the funniest things you have ever seen – don’t bother ever reading this blog again.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Hello Abyss? What's up...It's Lia

Is my blog boring now that my gym boyfriend is out of the picture? I realized I struggle for daily thoughts to write about…although I start a million entries I post only a few. Sometimes, I like writing just to write, not to share. However, it dawned on me that I usually wound up sharing my gym boyfriend entries because I could actually finish them and post them without anyone thinking I had too much time on my hands. I started a whole rant the other day about the Dixie Chicks and how it’s totally unfair that they get black listed and death threats while men who make music bashing the President don’t get one millionth of the backlash. But I never finished it and didn’t post it…and then looking back on the last few months the only consistent thing I ever write about is Gym Boyfriend.

The funny thing is, even though we broke up, Gym Boyfriend lives on. I see him all of the time, and even my friends have taken to calling him Gym Boyfriend. He’s at the coffee shop and at the bank, and always, obviously, in the gym. I see him staring, though now I’m totally convinced he is not staring at me nor is he interested in any way. One year is MORE than enough time to work up the courage to talk to someone, if you were interested in doing so.

The reason for my rant today? I have finally taken the plunge. I gave notice at my job, setting the wheels in motion for my move back to Florida. My last official day is June 29. It feels very good to have finally ended the double life I’ve been leading the last few months as I contemplated my decision. It also means, that sadly, my New York life will come to an end in August. This is obviously very bittersweet for me. Coming here was a huge dream of mine, one that I filled all on my own. I carved out a pretty great life and in the thick of it, I’ve decided to leave. I miss my family and I have to know once and for all if my current quasi-boyfriend should/can be together. The only way to know this is to move home and see what happens. And if it doesn’t work out, I do have my family close by which is something I missed more than I ever though I would.

I think that my Gym Boyfriend stands for so much more than just a crush I had on someone I saw every day. It was a way to escape and pretend that maybe there was an iota of a chance that maybe I was meant to stay here forever. I don’t think I was meant to, but it represented the possibility. If for some reason, Gym Boyfriend, or any other Boyfriend had materialized, it would have added a layer to my existence here that could have persuaded me to reevaluate things. I’m not saying it would have made me stay – I don’t think any decision should be made over a man or a relationship – but it would have played a role.

On the other hand, maybe the fact that no such person materialized, though I’m sure it could have if I was really interested, is a sign that quasi-boyfriend IS going to work out. I’ve met a lot of people in my time here and I think that had I met someone interesting enough or someone who held my attention for more than 0.5 seconds, I would have done something about it. But I didn’t. And I have to believe that counts for something as well.

I think the toughest part about this decision is that you’ll never know, either way, what would have been best. It’s one of those decisions where you just have to accept that your brain and your heart may be sending you mixed messages, and you just have to toss logic and reason out the window for once. I feel a bit like I just parachuted into a black hole – with no bottom, with no sense of speed, just kind of floating in the abyss. And even though I have never done this before in my life, not have a plan, not have a clear-cut sense on if what I’m doing is right or smart or totally in my hands…it does feel okay. And in a way, very liberating.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Living in La-La Land...Literally

Just saw…

Molly Shannon walking her babies (twins?) up 8th Avenue. Of course, I was staring try to figure out if it was her…of course she was staring back like What the hell are you looking at. In any case, once I recognized, I looked away…and began writing this post in my head. The corner of 14th and 8th is starting to be my “spot!” So far Gwen Stefani, cross-dressing tranny, and Molly Shannon all spotted there! I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I camp out all together.

CSI: Love Interest

So… in the absence of a gym boyfriend, my subconscious could not leave well enough alone and went looking elsewhere for someone to fawn over. It found him, on CSI, the Las Vegas edition. George Eads, who plays CSI Nick Stokes is PERFECT. He is hot (see picture below), obviously works out and is into forensics, JUST LIKE ME. Not in real life (that I know of) but he is on TV, which is good enough.

If it wasn’t bad enough that I’ve watched every CSI saved on the TV (and let me tell you, there were a lot), he was actually in my dream last night!! Somehow, we were in a house and he was ironing his shirt and I was trying to determine if he liked me. The answer was yes, which I unfortunately found out exactly as my alarm rang, but even Snooze couldn’t bring me back into the dream. This is no way to start your day.



But the best thing about this CSI Boyfriend? He can be saved, to be watched over and over again. God help TiVo if he ever does a shirtless scene!

My love life = Pathetic.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Things That Make Me Nervous/Horrified

Spending Time Alone

I had a very odd thing happen to me this holiday weekend. I had time. Lots of it. Alone.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m always on the go. I like to take advantage of my weekends to travel – in the last 9 months alone I’ve visited four countries, four major cities and had several weekend trips. I have another two week and five state adventure on the horizon in July. I don’t like to sit around and twiddle my thumbs (though I do like to sit around and watch TiVo). Anyways, this weekend, although I had made tentative plans with many people, they all fell through and by Friday at 4 p.m. I was alone in my apartment with not a friend to call. The whole weekend stretched before me endlessly. Nothing to do. Nowhere to be.

I promptly got depressed and kicked myself for not buying a ticket to Florida or somewhere else to spend the weekend. My sister was in Key West. My family was chilling at home. I could have done either but it was too late. Then I got sad when I realized that four people went out of town and my whole social life crumbled to pieces. Was I only down to four friends to provide my entertainment? Did I have no one else? How sad was that? There wasn’t even anyone on Instant Messenger to talk to! Well Jason and I chatted for a few hours but we do that everyday. I relayed to him my frustration that I had nothing to do and he was like well enjoy it then. And I was like, hmm, what a concept.

So, I turned to the TV and caught up on all my shows. I was done by midnight or so, so I packed it in for the evening. I woke up on Saturday morning by the sweet sound of nothing. No one doing the dishes waking me up or turning on the TV. No one stirring in their room to make me wonder what time it was. I woke up because my body had done so. I cleaned up my room a bit, ate some breakfast and got a call from an out-of-town friend who was in-town that they had tickets to the Yankee game, did I want to go? So I did that and later on the night got severely beat by the drunk stick, but all in the name of a good time.

I woke up on Sunday, called my co-worker and we headed up to Central Park to lay out. It was a gorgeous day and I’m pretty sure that every sport – from kite flying, to softball, to soccer – was being played out on the Great Lawn. I thumbed through Newsweek and got a tan. I went home and didn’t feel like going out again. I cooked an entire chicken just for me. I caught up on some more TV and fell asleep.

Then on Monday, I had the Sunday Times. I brought it to the coffee shop and read everything but the Job Market and Business sections (cause I just can’t care no matter how much I want to). It took me three hours. I came home and cleaned some more…got the AC unit up and running again ate some olives and cheese and called it a night.

It was by far the least I had done in a long time. And although it looks like a fairly busy weekend as I’m writing it down, I literally only left my apartment four times. I spent a lot of time in bed. I spent a lot of time cat-napping and thinking about things that I don’t normally have time to think about. Although I don’t think I’d like to do it again soon, I have to admit that I did enjoy being (mostly) by myself for a long stretch of time.

Couples on the Subway

To me, there is nothing worse that a couple “in love” on the subway together. This is not because I am bitter or jealous or anything like that. I’m all for people being in love, but I am very anti-PDA. Not PDA as in holding hands or a quick peck or a hand on the back, that is fine. I’m talking about the over-the-top-I-just-love-you-so-much-I-can’t-even-not-touch-you-for-one-freaking-second kind of PDA. You’ve seen these douchebags. It’s the couple who actually hug around the subway pole as they ride. They get thrown off balance together because they are not actually holding the pole, they’re holding onto each other. It’s the couple who sit and stare into each other’s eyes while they hold hands and their feet play with each other. They make me sick. It looks ridiculous when you are out in public. Save it for your living room.

Anyways, lately I have seen two of the worst subway PDAs ever and it’s been all I can not to scream and break it up. Or punch all parties involved in the face.

The first happened during rush hour. If you really want to piss me off, conduct some PDA during rush hour. When everyone else is busy trying to get to work and start their day, you have some a-holes who decide they need to squeeze out every ounce of togetherness before they reunite THE SAME DAY. My f-ing quasi-boyfriend lives 1,500 miles from me and we don’t feel the need for so much affection when we see each other. No one is in love that early in the morning, I’ll never believe it.

Anyways, I saw this couple, unfortunately they were not attractive (and I have noticed it’s always the more unattractive couples who are over-the-top in their affections, and yes I mean this and no, I’m not ashamed to say it) all over each other. They came on the subway holding hands, which and of itself, is difficult as everyone pushes to get on. It also makes it hard for others to get on because you’ve formed a Red Rover-like barrier to moving around you in any way. So I was instantly pissed off to begin with. Then they pole-hugged, during which time, he actually stood there sniffing her bangs. Assumingly, to smell her shampoo. Unknowingly, turning Small Lia into something akin to the Incredible Hulk in terms of my disgust. Then there was a stop, and someone got off, allowing her to sit down. He stood in front of her, stroking her face, while she closed her eyes and sat there with a soft smile. I could barely contain my rage. Don’t ask my why this fires me up so much, I think just because it’s so incredibly gay. What are you sitting there thinking, “Wow, this person is just sooo amazing. Am I the luckiest girl/guy in the world or what? Just when I thought that I’d be spending the rest of my life alone, God came along and gave me someone to love.” MAKE ME SICK. YOU ARE PATHETIC, DEPENDANT PEOPLE AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE LEST YOU CREATE SIMILAR SMALLER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIKENESS.

The second couple I saw recently also made me equally angry. It was a Saturday. The subway was packed. I was on my way to NJ for my cousin’s first holy Communion party. A couple gets on. Think Staten Island. Both were wearing tight jeans and black T-shirts that they probably borrow from each other. They have the paper in hand. He’s got huge muscles. She’s got big hair.

She sits on the seat. He sits on her lap. Yes, that’s right. He sat on her lap. They thought this was so cute and hysterical, you could tell. I watched on, horrified, angry and confused.

She put her portion of the paper out to the right to read around him. He just perched like an asshole. I was flabbergasted. You know whenever I need to decide if I'm seeing a man do something not manly, I ask myself, "Would Dad ever do that?" And if the answer is "Never in a million goddamn years" then I know it's not manly.

Continuing on, at one point, the train bucked and he put his hand on the railing to steady himself, being perched and all, and he grabbed the portion of the handle that my hand was on, and he clamped down. He didn’t even realize he was pinning my hand to the railing. I managed to pull it out from his vice-like grip without him noticing. I’m telling you, this guy was HUGE, and he sat there, on his girlfriend’s lap like there was nothing to it. It was so weird and you know what it was, it was corny. I’ve had my guy friends sit on my lap before, but this wasn't like that. He thought this looked great. He thought they were the coolest couple on the train. You know when someone is doing it to try and be cute? Because that's what he though this was. Little did he know, it made him look like the ultimate douchebag. I hated them both. And when the subway doors opened, I ran out as fast as I could, bruised hand and all.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Saw My First...

...cross-dressing tranny doing the walk of shame at 8:30 a.m. I can now cross this dream off of my life's to-do list.

Other dreams still to be realized:

1.) Get tackled at full force by an NFL lineman.

2.) Get punched in the face.

3.) Slam dunk a basketball with no assistance.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Hooray for Taylor

Hooray for Taylor winning American Idol. I just have to say that for the whole season I thought he was shouting "Snow Patrol" b/c of the gray hair - I totally didn't realize it was Soul Patrol! I think mine is better though haha.

It's too bad Katherine didn't sing last night like she did tonight or she would have won.

The bad news is the Idols were totally outshined by the guest stars...HELLO PRINCE! YOU SEXY THANG! Jk. Prince is so not sexy...but he is ridiculously cool...did you see how he just turned and walked off stage with not a backwards glance! Ha! He just sold out HIMSELF by appearing on American Idol and then fronted like he was too good for it. You are a walking conundrum and I love you.

(However, could they have spared Kevin Covais by giving him a song other than What's New Pussycat with the bobblehead girls in the background? That's just mean.)

Chris Daughtry you are still a sexy bitch and I will have your babies.

Clay Aiken - love the hair! I noticed how you kept your distance from the gay kid on stage....(all you PerezHilton.com readers will have picked up on that as well). I wasn't fooled. I'm onto you. You shouldn't care, you are still fantastic. However, the producers are trying to set you up apparently. Sneaky English bastards!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Blah

Brandon Davis and Paris Hilton Make Me Nauseous

So disgusting and vile. If you haven't seen the video go to TMZ.com and then make sure you never forget it. Paris Hilton needs to be stopped. So does Brandon Davis.

Laziness Rocks

I came home after work today, totally exhausted. So I flipped through my TiVo and saw today's Oprah was "The World's Youngest Queen." I thought she would be like 4 or something...she's not. She's Queen Rania of Jordan, mid-30s or so...she's beautiful and smart. And I layed in bed with my pajama pants on that say 'you rock' with frogs inexplicably dancing on them...and I said to myself, you could be doing so much more. But then I realized I was tired and didn't want to. So I poured a glass of wine and went back to Oprah.

Elliot Yamin

Totally knew it. It's okay. I look forweard to his album. I'll totally buy it.


Memorial Day Weekend


Will be spent in NYC with BMoney and Jo-Lis, before Jo-Lis heads off to Italy for three years. I guess it's okay. He's learning how to fly F-15E fighter jets..might as well do it over the plains of Italy right?

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Back!

We Broke Up

My “relationship” with my gym boyfriend is officially Over…and that’s over with a capital “o.” Nothing happened per se, it’s not like I saw him making out with SI Barbie or Short “Don’t Say Anything Girl,” and it killed whatever crush-like dreams I have. Suffice to say the relationship “ended” one night last week in an incident that involved a doppelganger of the screen name varietal, a photo, and my own realization that I am either more crazy than I ever imagined or just that desperate. In addition, my roommate, who is also a member of the gym, reported back to me that she thinks “he is a tool.” Because I don’t care to care anymore, I tend to agree.

So with that in mind in the gym the next day, I took a good look around to see if I could find a new gym boyfriend. You may be asking, Lia- why not a coffee shop boyfriend or a subway boyfriend? The answer is because I can more or less count on being in the gym at the same time every day, and it’s just easier.

So anyways, I’m back looking around when I spot a really cute boy that I see on most days, and I never paid any attention to him because despite his good looks he has got a giant outline of a star, as in a PERMANENT TATTOO, on his elbow. I contemplated during sit ups and decided that I did not need a crush. And I’ll tell you why.

What many of you may not know is that I actually have a quasi-boyfriend (who knows my name and converses with me on a daily basis) in real life. His name is Jason and he lives in Miami. He is a great guy who, without ever saying a negative word, watched me move to New York (and therefore away from him) and encouraged me to embrace life here. Last September, we broke up because the distance was too much but we still talk every day. I’m not sure what the future will bring, but I’m hopeful…and my point is that I have a great guy in real life, albeit, not close by and not someone I see every day…but maybe I need to just have a crush on him for a while and see where that takes me.


American Idol


I feel like I did when Tamyra Gray got kicked off too early. Although I didn’t see Chris going all the way I don’t think Katherine deserves to be in the top three. This is the root of my love/hate relationship with Idol. However, I will be rooting wholeheartedly for Elliot- goooo Elliot!

Unan1mous

Pretty glad that Tarah got the money…for a moment I got scared and thought it was all going to go to Richard. In the last few weeks Jonathan has quit wearing the wife beater and I found my interest decreasing in each scene in which he was fully clothed. Ahh well….see my above entry and why I cannot care!

Aruba

Was the best island ever. Photos coming soon. I highly recommend for all those who are in need of rest and relaxation!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Sorry

I have been horrible at updating this the last two weeks. I had a vacation to Florida the weekend of the 21st and another one this weekend to Aruba (yay!) upcoming, so needless to say, I've been a busy bee. Sometimes the stress to go on vacation is more than it's worth!

However, rest assured I have lots of thoughts I'm looking to get out, but just haven't been able to find the time to write down.

Among topics I NEED to vent on: More celebrity sightings, American Idol (of course), the Sopranos, weight loss, working out, my gym boyfriend and Shania Twain, tattoos on boys, roommate heartbreak and more.

Stay tuned!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Boston, SoBe and AI

Dane Cook Vs. Imaginary Gym Boyfriend

This past weekend I went to Boston to watch my first choice of imaginary boyfriend, Dane Cook (google him) perform his HBO comedy special. I’ve been watching Dane Cook for several years, ever since some girl on my first job (who later turned out to be a traitor bitch but that’s another story for another day) made me listen to his CD in her car during our lunch hour. And I’ve been in love ever since when I saw what he looked like. He is seriously the funniest person ever, plus he’s hot, which equals instant love on my part, pretty much. I have a sneaking feeling my gym boyfriend is not as funny. Equally hot though.

I also realized the other day that there is a very excellent possibility, that through the power of the internet, my gym boyfriend could read this blog, and therefore, know these thoughts each and every time I walk in and out of the facility. That won’t keep me from writing about it, but I just thought I’d throw that out there.

8th and Ocean

Love it! Check it out.

Real Time Thoughts on American Idol


Because I had such a great time doing it last week, here are my realtime thoughts on American Idol:

Pre-Show:

- Rod Stewart’s hair is pretty cool, but does anyone else see the irony in having a British guy coach the American Idols on the great American songbook?

- Rod Stewart’s baby is damn cute.

- Can Kimberly Stewart possibly be Rod’s adopted daughter? She is so unclassy. He seems cool. Old guy. Young wife. Young baby. Sweet.

- How corny that they are all singing upon his entrance. Gag.

Show:

- Chris: Chris’s practice totally confirms what I knew last week – that he was sooooo wearing eyeliner (bottom lids!! Yikes!!) during his performance last week. I love how Rod Stewart gives everyone a hug.
Chris’ outfit is hot. So is his lack of makeup…I prefer him very au natural (Thank you Ryan for pointing that out!)- do you hear that Fox stylists??? I think his performance was totally awesome. He is definitely the best one on this show. Whoa, hello Paula Abdul’s cleavage. Put it away!!

- Paris: I think I would like extensions like Paris’ extensions – totally. I think this is totally Paris’ type of song- this is the best she’s ever sounded. I also like her fake eyelashes and fear I might have to try that out myself. I really liked Paris tonight, for the first time in a while.

- Taylor: I think Taylor really needs to knock it out of the park tonight if he wants to stay in it- those are two tough acts to follow. Oooh Taylor, tres smooth! What an ending!!! Yay Taylor!!!!!!!!! What did the Idols do this weekend? Let’s bring back Rod Stewart every week!! God Paula’s boobs are like ON THE TABLE. Thank you camera for cutting away. Wow Simon is totally on drugs tonight! Love it!

(something I just thought of- Ace is going to suck it up dude….)

- Elliot: Ahh my favorite contestant! So excited to see what he might do. Ahh he drops the bomb that his mom was a singer back in the day- now things make sense! OH WOW! LOVE THE OUTFIT!!!! Elliot is smiling more, and snapping a lot...which I love but think America will hate. I’m afraid I must agree with Simon’s assessment, despite the protests of others.

- Kellie: She looks cute, but I think I finally figured out what bothers me about her delivery- she doesn’t move her arms at all! They’ve stayed by her side the whole time and I think if you look back at other weeks, it’s the same thing, except when she does the whole point-and-drop-to-her-knees move. Ehh, I think Kellie could have done something awesome at the end there, but she didn’t. Weird…..At least she handled it with humor and grace.

(oh and here we go)….

- Ace: Whoa, hair slicked back, did I see? Ace’s eyes are two different sizes. Hmmm, hair don’t know…don’t know. I’m thinking NO. Not bad, but I think I just fell asleep for a second. Ok he pulled out of the weird stare which was good, I was scared for a second. Ace has no idea what he wants to be, and this is going to be a problem. It’s already a problem for me.

- Katherine: Oh I like her hair! Maybe I should grow mine long again so I can do something like that. I’ve done my makeup like that before too, which is probably only awesome to me, but worth noting. She has the eyelashes on too, which totally confirms I must get them. That was really good….the song, as well as the hair and makeup.


Hmm I have no idea who I’m going to vote for to be in the bottom three, this is going to be hard…very, very hard.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Celebrity Spotting with Lia

Colin Farrell

The first rule of celebrity spotting- if you think that person looks just like (insert celebrity here) take a second look. I happen to be a CHAMPION celebrity spotter. I have seen Angelina Jolie, Gwen Stefani, Julia Styles, Michael Keaton and several others simply because I say hey that looks just like so and so! And lo and behold it is.

Today I add Colin Farrell to this list. I was walking toward my apartment and he was walking away. I said to myself, I actually said it to the person I was on the phone with, “Hey, that looks like Colin Farrell!” and then I looked again and it was. He looked at me too! Yay! This brings the number of celebrities I have made eye contact with to four:
Colin Farrell, Andre 3000 of Outkast, Spliff Star of of the Flip Mode Squad…and my beloved Craig David.

Immediate things I noticed:
- Jean jacket with jeans – big no, no.
- Really big eyes.
- Not very tall.
- Gray hair. Dyed for a part? Product of rough living? To be debated.

Never the less, very exciting.

Bill and Melinda Gates

One of the things I like most about the Gates is that they really seem to care. The Gates Foundation supports, oh I don’t know, one million different charities, and yet they keep such a low profile that you would never know. Oprah is a good philanthropist as well, but she talks about her good works so damn much. That’s not to say that if Bill Gates had his own show he wouldn’t talk about himself…but I digress.

On today’s Oprah, I watched America’s Silent Epidemic…and blah blah. Long story short, Bill and Melinda Gates rule!

Sisqo

Just a question…whatever happened to Sisqo?

Real Time Thoughts on American Idol

Bucky – Hmm. Okay not bad.

Ace- Were you seriously trying to tell Queen how to arrange We Will Rock You? Seriously?? ….Seriously?

Kelly Pickler – Okay Kelly..Okay, I finally liked you tonight!

Chris – A little heavy on the make-up tonight, were you wearing eyeliner? No matter. Not sure about the song, but I will still have your children if you asked me to. Love the tight T-shirt…LOVE it.

Kathryn McPhee – Definitely the best voice in the competition. Great choice of song. Think Simon got it just right.

Elliott – Love him. E-Double-L? Heart it! Okay I take back what I said about Kathryn. Elliott has the best voice. Can the back up singers quiet down a bit? I got goosebumps at the end! Love Elliott! Will Simon call this a moment?

Taylor – Good choice of song! This is Queen’s song? Weird. I love the dance moves but wish Paula would just sit down. Old Taylor is back –I Love It!

Paris – Damn, Paris you look good tonight! You should always wear extensions. I don’t get how that voice comes out of that body sometimes. I wish you wouldn’t do that ridiculous head-banging thing...kind of ruined it. Overall, started stronger then you finished, but I liked it.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Posh Spice and My Imaginary Gym Boyfriend

By popular demand, more on the chronicles of me and my imaginary gym boyfriend.

So today while going hard core on the elliptical I spied my imaginary gym boyfriend walking with his possible real-world girlfriend. Why did I spy him? I’m glad you ask. Because he was walking past the gym window looking directly at ME. That’s right, I’m not the only one who does some covert staring. The problem was he was with a rather tall, pretty girl and they were walking rather close. This was not the girlfriend I thought he may have. I once saw him with a short, less-attractive girlfriend one morning when I stopped at the bank on my way to work. The exchange I saw made me happy:

Gym Boyfriend: I don’t want to talk about it right now!
Possible Real World Girlfriend: Don’t say anything!!!!
Gym Boyfriend: ANYTHING!!!!!

I had to keep from screaming out loud, DUMP HER AND LOVE ME INSTEAD! But instead I just pretended like the Sean Paul song pounding in my iPod was the most interesting thing I’d ever heard and me and my boots walked right on by.

Only today on the elliptical, when we made eye contact through the window, the girl who was next to him was NOT this girl and my first impression of her was “Jesus Christ she looks just like Posh Spice from the side….except, a lower-class Staten Island version.”

This is bad for two reasons:
1.) If his taste is Staten Island Barbie doll…I’m afraid that he will not heart me. Now if you are from Staten Island please don’t take offense, you know who the less-classy of you are out there. And people who heart Staten Island Barbie's do not go for me. It's a fact of life, and I've made my peace with it. Quite frankly, I don't go for guys who like those girls, though for my gym boyfriend, I'd make an exception.
2.) It means his girlfriend, even by SI standards, is attractive. The girl who I saw was not particularly attractive, I did not get a close look. Anyways, my job as possible-girlfriend stealer gets increasingly harder the more attractive the girlfriend is. Ahh dilemmas.

Anyways, again, this is all something I have made up in my head, not real, imaginary. It just goes to show how much I have to do to get through my workouts. Insert sad face here.

American Inventor

This show is actually really good! I had all the episodes saved because I didn’t really feel like watching, but this Saturday, which I spent from the comfort of my bed, I decided to watch it (20 straight episodes of Forensic Files will do that to you) and I was pleasantly surprised that it was really, really good! Hooray! Another show to add to my ever-growing list of must watches.


Yo Momma


Another show that I was somewhat unsure about when I heard it what it was about. I was skeptical about Wilmer Valderamma and quite frankly, yo mama jokes are so 1992. However it is pretty funny I must say, as is Wilmer. My favorite joke so far:

“Yo mama is so skinny, she does pull-ups on a staple.”

Hahahahahaha.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Fourteen Hour Day Thoughts

Buh-Bye


In the name of Jesus, see you later Mandisa. Everyone in the New York office knows that I was not a fan, and in our American Idol pool each week, I correctly predicted she’d be voted off. Yes she can sing, but she’s not (insert affected English accent right here) “just not right for this competition.” Two reasons for this:

A.) As mentioned by Kate yesterday, Mandisa needs to add her last name to her stage name. She is not at one-name status yet.

B.) Let’s face it, she’ll go on and have a great career in gospel. And in six months to a year’s time she’ll be saying she’s happy she didn’t win because it opened up so many doors for her, blah blah blah.

Amen.

And I do just have to give a What! What! And a Hallelujah for TiVo, because even though I had a 14 hour day today, I came home and was able to speed through American Idol in 15 minutes and Unan1mous in 20.

And speaking of Unan1mous…

A HoButchCooKoo

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Unan1mous is one F*ed up show and I love it. So many twists and turn you can't keep up!

I also love it because I'm getting a bunch of great new sayings. For example:

A HobutchCooKoo

Translation: A Whole Bunch Cookoo. Translation: Real Damn Crazy. This is how Steve described Richard early in tonight's episode. I think I’m going to start applying this term to people I see on the street and crazy people I meet during the day.

Steve also used the term Crazy As a Craphouse Rat…which I think I could also potentially use in the very near future.

Another reason why I love this show is because Jonathan is incredibly hot. He wears wife beaters most of the time, and that makes me happy when he is onscreen. It also reminds me that I need to start dating real people, rather than figure out how I’m going to meet people on television and have their unborn children.

Which Leads Me To…

Famous People I Wouldn’t Mind Marrying and Procreating With…

- Chris Daughtry
- Josh Duhamel
- Jonathan from Unan1mous
- Orlando Bloom
- Ben Affleck
- My Gym Boyfriend (he owns the gym, I stare at him covertly when I work out and with whom I’ve yet to make actual eye contact with…Ok we have made eye contact but we’ve not yet had a “real” conversation…Ok we did have a real conversation once when I pretended to lose my keys in order to start a conversation and test the water, and during which he did not appear to take the bait. To be continued.)
- Craig David

I’m sure I’m missing quite a few but this was all I could think of for the time being.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Rough Day, Idol Night

K-Rodg

Dear Kenny Rogers,
Please stay away from Botox!!! Stay away! Only your mouth moves- this does not make you look younger, it makes you look weird. Go talk to Priscilla Presley, you’ll see what I mean.

Love,
Lia

I’ve never really liked Kenny Rogers, I think he is corny. The only songs I ever liked of his is Islands in the Stream, and that’s only because Dolly Parton is involved.

I do love Kenny Roger’s Roasters though. If Kenny Rogers just made cornbread and chicken, not music, then I’d like him a whole lot more.



I Quit Chicken Fingers

So last night the Gators won the NCAA Championship, but I lost my will to drink only Sprite during the game. Within minutes of getting my seat, I succumbed to peer pressure and ordered beer. Two pitchers later, the Gators were National Champions and I was a champion too… until I woke up this morning. Pretty rough. But worth it.

I remember most of the evening, especially that there was a rather unflattering photo of me eating a chicken finger, the second such photo in as many months. I think I’m quitting chicken fingers. Not the beer that makes me eat them like a maniac, just the chicken.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Crackhead Love

I should be cleaning my apartment, I should be putting together the paperwork for my taxes…instead I’m watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Bobby and Whitney. As I watch this ridiculous story, I just can’t believe we (and by “we” I mean “me”) continue to be fascinated by these two. And by “fascinated” I mean, “can’t turn away.” Part of me commends them for staying together for so long…in an age of divorce I suppose this is good. Another part of me, the larger part, just asks “Why?” I suppose it’s just as well. Crackhead love will always be interesting- especially when said crackheads are multimillionaires and public figures. LOVE IT!

On another note, why is poor Bobbi Christina so fugly? Poor little thing! Bobby and Whitney are not ugly crackheads…I’m confused as to how their offspring can be so unattractive. Hopefully she can sing…it would just be unfair otherwise.

The Gators Owe Me $40

The Gators are in the NCAA Finals, which means I stand to inherit the $105 from the CRT/tanaka Charlie Domalik Invitational. Everyone laughed at me when I had Florida in the finals – WHO’S LAUGHING NOW KIDS?? $105! It would be nice to win because I paid $40 to get into some bar last night, foolishly believing I could take advantage of the “All You Can Drink” open bar, until I realized that drinking all that I could would more than likely mean imminent death. Nicole and I had started our night at 5 p.m. in honor of the Final Four. We got to the open bar around 11:15…you can do the math. Despite the odds we took our best shot. Literally. I had two SoCo and Lime shots before I realized without some water, I’d be in deep trouble. So I made the switch. It was a wasted $40. So the Gators should win and let me recoup my losses. And give me something to flaunt in all my Gator-hating friends’ faces for the next couple of months.


So noTORIous


Can’t wait for this tonight! I must see what all the fuss is about!

Friday, March 31, 2006

Cha-cha-changes!

I've now added the handy title bar to my blog so that all of these can be named. In addition, I've added the ability for people to comment anonymously- you don't have to register with blogger. So comment away!