Things That Make Me Nervous/Horrified

Spending Time Alone

I had a very odd thing happen to me this holiday weekend. I had time. Lots of it. Alone.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m always on the go. I like to take advantage of my weekends to travel – in the last 9 months alone I’ve visited four countries, four major cities and had several weekend trips. I have another two week and five state adventure on the horizon in July. I don’t like to sit around and twiddle my thumbs (though I do like to sit around and watch TiVo). Anyways, this weekend, although I had made tentative plans with many people, they all fell through and by Friday at 4 p.m. I was alone in my apartment with not a friend to call. The whole weekend stretched before me endlessly. Nothing to do. Nowhere to be.

I promptly got depressed and kicked myself for not buying a ticket to Florida or somewhere else to spend the weekend. My sister was in Key West. My family was chilling at home. I could have done either but it was too late. Then I got sad when I realized that four people went out of town and my whole social life crumbled to pieces. Was I only down to four friends to provide my entertainment? Did I have no one else? How sad was that? There wasn’t even anyone on Instant Messenger to talk to! Well Jason and I chatted for a few hours but we do that everyday. I relayed to him my frustration that I had nothing to do and he was like well enjoy it then. And I was like, hmm, what a concept.

So, I turned to the TV and caught up on all my shows. I was done by midnight or so, so I packed it in for the evening. I woke up on Saturday morning by the sweet sound of nothing. No one doing the dishes waking me up or turning on the TV. No one stirring in their room to make me wonder what time it was. I woke up because my body had done so. I cleaned up my room a bit, ate some breakfast and got a call from an out-of-town friend who was in-town that they had tickets to the Yankee game, did I want to go? So I did that and later on the night got severely beat by the drunk stick, but all in the name of a good time.

I woke up on Sunday, called my co-worker and we headed up to Central Park to lay out. It was a gorgeous day and I’m pretty sure that every sport – from kite flying, to softball, to soccer – was being played out on the Great Lawn. I thumbed through Newsweek and got a tan. I went home and didn’t feel like going out again. I cooked an entire chicken just for me. I caught up on some more TV and fell asleep.

Then on Monday, I had the Sunday Times. I brought it to the coffee shop and read everything but the Job Market and Business sections (cause I just can’t care no matter how much I want to). It took me three hours. I came home and cleaned some more…got the AC unit up and running again ate some olives and cheese and called it a night.

It was by far the least I had done in a long time. And although it looks like a fairly busy weekend as I’m writing it down, I literally only left my apartment four times. I spent a lot of time in bed. I spent a lot of time cat-napping and thinking about things that I don’t normally have time to think about. Although I don’t think I’d like to do it again soon, I have to admit that I did enjoy being (mostly) by myself for a long stretch of time.

Couples on the Subway

To me, there is nothing worse that a couple “in love” on the subway together. This is not because I am bitter or jealous or anything like that. I’m all for people being in love, but I am very anti-PDA. Not PDA as in holding hands or a quick peck or a hand on the back, that is fine. I’m talking about the over-the-top-I-just-love-you-so-much-I-can’t-even-not-touch-you-for-one-freaking-second kind of PDA. You’ve seen these douchebags. It’s the couple who actually hug around the subway pole as they ride. They get thrown off balance together because they are not actually holding the pole, they’re holding onto each other. It’s the couple who sit and stare into each other’s eyes while they hold hands and their feet play with each other. They make me sick. It looks ridiculous when you are out in public. Save it for your living room.

Anyways, lately I have seen two of the worst subway PDAs ever and it’s been all I can not to scream and break it up. Or punch all parties involved in the face.

The first happened during rush hour. If you really want to piss me off, conduct some PDA during rush hour. When everyone else is busy trying to get to work and start their day, you have some a-holes who decide they need to squeeze out every ounce of togetherness before they reunite THE SAME DAY. My f-ing quasi-boyfriend lives 1,500 miles from me and we don’t feel the need for so much affection when we see each other. No one is in love that early in the morning, I’ll never believe it.

Anyways, I saw this couple, unfortunately they were not attractive (and I have noticed it’s always the more unattractive couples who are over-the-top in their affections, and yes I mean this and no, I’m not ashamed to say it) all over each other. They came on the subway holding hands, which and of itself, is difficult as everyone pushes to get on. It also makes it hard for others to get on because you’ve formed a Red Rover-like barrier to moving around you in any way. So I was instantly pissed off to begin with. Then they pole-hugged, during which time, he actually stood there sniffing her bangs. Assumingly, to smell her shampoo. Unknowingly, turning Small Lia into something akin to the Incredible Hulk in terms of my disgust. Then there was a stop, and someone got off, allowing her to sit down. He stood in front of her, stroking her face, while she closed her eyes and sat there with a soft smile. I could barely contain my rage. Don’t ask my why this fires me up so much, I think just because it’s so incredibly gay. What are you sitting there thinking, “Wow, this person is just sooo amazing. Am I the luckiest girl/guy in the world or what? Just when I thought that I’d be spending the rest of my life alone, God came along and gave me someone to love.” MAKE ME SICK. YOU ARE PATHETIC, DEPENDANT PEOPLE AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE LEST YOU CREATE SIMILAR SMALLER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIKENESS.

The second couple I saw recently also made me equally angry. It was a Saturday. The subway was packed. I was on my way to NJ for my cousin’s first holy Communion party. A couple gets on. Think Staten Island. Both were wearing tight jeans and black T-shirts that they probably borrow from each other. They have the paper in hand. He’s got huge muscles. She’s got big hair.

She sits on the seat. He sits on her lap. Yes, that’s right. He sat on her lap. They thought this was so cute and hysterical, you could tell. I watched on, horrified, angry and confused.

She put her portion of the paper out to the right to read around him. He just perched like an asshole. I was flabbergasted. You know whenever I need to decide if I'm seeing a man do something not manly, I ask myself, "Would Dad ever do that?" And if the answer is "Never in a million goddamn years" then I know it's not manly.

Continuing on, at one point, the train bucked and he put his hand on the railing to steady himself, being perched and all, and he grabbed the portion of the handle that my hand was on, and he clamped down. He didn’t even realize he was pinning my hand to the railing. I managed to pull it out from his vice-like grip without him noticing. I’m telling you, this guy was HUGE, and he sat there, on his girlfriend’s lap like there was nothing to it. It was so weird and you know what it was, it was corny. I’ve had my guy friends sit on my lap before, but this wasn't like that. He thought this looked great. He thought they were the coolest couple on the train. You know when someone is doing it to try and be cute? Because that's what he though this was. Little did he know, it made him look like the ultimate douchebag. I hated them both. And when the subway doors opened, I ran out as fast as I could, bruised hand and all.