Where Have All the Normal Boys Gone?

Inspired by another blog I read this morning on the lack of tall boys, I’d like to expand on that notion and say where are the normal boys in general?

Six weeks single, I’m just beginning to open my eyes to the possibilities. And then I shut them again because the possibilities are HORRIFYING.

First of all, whatever happened to chivalry? For those of you who ride the NY subways, you know there is an etiquette to getting on and off the train. First, you wait for people to get off. And then you get on. I know it sounds complicated, but you get the hang of it soon enough. The only caveat is a crowded arriving train, you have to allow a few seconds for those caught up in the middle to find their way to the exits. Well today, Mr. Big and Important Dickwad, pushes right past me (and for the record, I was standing in the much-coveted first-person-to-get-on spot) to go past, except WAIT, there is still people coming off…cause he didn’t allow for the extra few seconds rule! He is forced to take a few steps back to allow the passengers to exit. So I, newly-minted bitch that I am, give him a dirty look and rightfully assume my position to enter first. And I do. But I wonder- what the hell is wrong with him? I’m a girl and I’m in the front. Even if you did think I was taking too long to get on the train, why wouldn’t you let me go first? Because CHIVALRY IS DEAD that’s why. And because he’s an ASSHOLE.

Two, whatever happened to eye contact? Is it just me or do boys now think that girls know what they are thinking through magic and ESP? There is no use of the eye sockets anymore. Am I supposed to guess that you’re checking me out or just realize it out of the corner of my eye YOU SHY-ASS BASTARDS. I hate you! Grow some balls and say hello!

Third, in the rare instances boys do get their acts together and don’t annoy me with number one or number two, they are PSYCHOTIC. I don’t want to hear that you do drugs with your parents and that “it’s so awesome because being high with your dad is funny.” Or, when I don’t respond to your inquiries to meet, it doesn’t mean you get to e-mail me 96 times just to make sure “I’m receiving your messages because you haven’t written back yet.” I’m writing back now bitches and it’s to tell you I HATE YOU!!! I don’t even know you and I hate you.

Am I bitter? Yes, very possibly. I am in New York damn it and I am realizing Sex and the City was partly based on fantasy and lies!! Can you believe it??? There is no cute guy reading a book in the park like I am so that we can magically meet through witty conversation. The only guy in the park next to me is homeless and giving me scary hunger-filled looks as I eat my crackers. And he’s got no shoes on.