The Cutest Thing...Ever?

If this isn't the cutest thing ever...I don't know what is. There is a better post than this coming later today, but I couldn't resist.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/02/28/indonesia.tigers.orangutan.ap/index.html

AI: Boys Week 2

Well, first of all, it's no secret that the boys cannot suck ass tonight. Considering that only two or three look top-12 worthy, they better prove that the AI system of taking six guys and six girls is fair. I mean, it's clearly not fair, but let's just try to get six boys who sound good enough to be there. And we'll deal with how to improve the system in season seven.


Phil: Comes out sounding like Sting...which he'll never be as hot as...however, I really enjoyed him. And, he moved around the stage so that the overall lightbulb staring into the camera effect of his bald head wasn't as obvious. I don't think he completely blew me out of the water, but I'm impressed, and give him a solid 8/10.


Jared: I feel like taking on Marvin Gaye is always hard because of the slow tempo and fact that Marvin is kind of like the deathtrap of taking on Stevie Wonder..you better be better, or you're going to be either ok, or suck. Jared is hot enough, that's for sure and I can tell he's trying out there...and his falsetto is just fine. I don't know if I loved it. 7.5/10.

AJ: Before AJ sings, I'd like to just say that I'm excited for him because I think he was one of the better ones last week after thinking about it. And now that he's opened his mouth, I really like this song so he better not f* it up for me. So far, so good. I wish he really kicked the shit out of the song, but I liked the semi-hip-hop vibe he put in. I think I'm going to give him an 8.25/10. Yes that's right, quarter-point biotches.

(Preview commentary: umm Sanjaya wearing that hat, better make this work or I will be merciless.)

Sanjaya: Not to be insensitive, but can you really be totally affected by someone who died when you were five? I understand spiritual connections and what not, I'm just saying. But I'll save my critique for the performance. Which, um, is boring and awkward. Big surprise. If he is not gone next week I will officially punch my TV so hard that I will hit him in the face despite the fact that we were on opposite coasts. 5/10. No, 4/10. Oh wait, he just talked and made no sense. 3/10. No...let's just go for 2/10. I'd give him 1/10 but I want to save that special score for someone who comes out on stage and has a heart attack and dies...thereby making a true score impossible.

Chris: I did not realize Chris was married. Interesting. I hope Chris doesn't piss me off with arrogance again. Let's see. I'm not crazy about the song, he better turn it out with the quickness. Not happening...(15 seconds go by...)...maybe happening? (10 more seconds go by...)...not happening. I'm bored and I've picked up my tweezers to see if my eyebrows need any work. They do! Good I can zone out now. 6/10. I can't believe the judges liked this.

Nick: I knew he was going to dedicate this to a girl...so we just broke up. It's fine, luckily I have a current object of affection. So far, he sounds pretty good. I like the sound of his voice. Simon is snapping...but did he lose it at the end? I can't tell if that was on purpose or not. That was a bit wierd. 7.75/10.

Blake:
Did we just hear that he is attempting Jamiroquai? Best idea ever? Let's find out. Hmm..this is a bit of an odd choice...I kind of want him to jump on treadmills priorly built into the ground and hop around in a cool way. But he's not. I think this was a valiant effort, but not quiiiiite there. Also gets a 7.75/10.
(As usual agree with Simon. And I'm fast-forwarding through Ryan's argument with Simon b/c I can't deal.)

Brandon: Once again, I'm really hoping Brandon knocks it out because I think he is better than what he showed last week. Very interesting song choice and I like the way he started it out. I actually really liked this, I thought it was understated and simple...and for once that worked. 8.5/10! I agree with the judges that you should go up and there and sing your heart out, but I see where Brandon is coming from too. Hmm...if he doesn't come out and Celine Deon it next week, I'm off the Brandon train.

Chris:He's not really helping the I'm-not-JT cause if that's what he's looking for...but you know that will never be an issue for me. The world could use 25 JT's. It would be a warmer and sunnier place...with no winter, and no war, and every dog would always be as cute as it was as a puppy and babies would grow older slower and...well you get the point. I loved it! This was 9/10!!

Sundance:Sundance seems like a nice guy...and I'd like to root for him. He has a good voice, but that Chris is going to be a tough act to follow. However, I feel like this is a pretty good karaoke and dear god, I'm sounding just like Simon. Where is my job at Rolling Stone? Oh Sundance, I'm so sorry. The judges liked him but I only think I like this 7/10.

So my vote tonight is for the JT-like Chris...by a mile. And goodbye to Sanjaya for sure...and then either Sundance or the other Chris.

Winter Blues Have Got My Ladies Down

(** Warning...unabashed girly post** )

I don't know what it is about this time of year...whether its the anticipation of summer and the fact that the cold just won't go away. Or the fact that we're all in the throes of our mid-twenties and requisite quarter-life crisis', but every single one of my girlfriends seem to be smack in the middle of a huge depression. I'm just kind of coming out of mine, no small thanks to a huge nervous breakdown following a bad day at work two weeks ago today, resulting in me crying (finally!) to my mom on the street corner, right in front of a huge Starbucks window where everyone inside had a front row seat to my hysterical sobbing. Until I moved it inside because of the cold and just gave them the goods first hand. Good times. And that's not mentioning the cab driver who got to witness it from the onset and received two dollars and two bags of potato chips for his trouble. But that's another story for another time.

No, all my friends feel unfulfilled with their lives and it's tough. On one hand, it's good to know you're not alone...on the other, you just wish it could go away and you could feel normal again. I think, unfortunately, this times not so coincidentally with being able to wear a tank top and flip-flops again, but it also has to do with just pushing through this uncertain time of life and trying to enjoy what's in front of you, while it's there. Cause for the most part, life is good. It's very easy to get caught up in what's not good and focus on that instead.

So, that's why I was very pleased with my iPod this morning when the first song it chose out of the gate was the Dixie Chicks' "Taking the Long Way." Not only may this be the best song ever (sorry Nelly Furtado but Natalie Maines and I have been tight since my high school days), but I also just bought the Dixie Chicks' documentary "Shut Up & Sing" which took all of two seconds to make it into one of my favorite movies of all time. If ever you need to feel better, find inspiration or just need a push to stand up for yourself, watch this movie. I've been thinking about it non-stop since I watched it and it's really helped me stay focused on the positive.

Anyways, for all my girls (and anyone else for that matter) out there who just need a reminder that it's okay to do things your own way, no matter how much longer it may take...Natalie Maines, as always, has got the answer.

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to

No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

The Oscars

My favorite awards show of the year and as usual, watched from start to finish without getting up from the couch unless it was a commercial. And even then, it was only to use the bathroom. First of all, even though it was one of the longest ever, despite what I’ve read from other critics, I was actually entertained 90% of the time. I kind of zoned out on some of the technical awards, and when the president of the academy spoke, and even during the pretentious speech of the fluent-English speaking Italian guy who won the honorary achievement award. I’d google him to share his name, but a.) don’t feel like it and b.) thought he acted like an a-hole so don’t care enough. It’s his Oscar and he can choose to accept it however he wants, but I don’t know…I wasn’t feeling it.

Anyways, I couldn’t help but also feel the normal amount of depression I feel when the Oscars are done, not only because the show that I love so much is over, but also because I’ve just watched 30-40 people who followed their dream get awarded for that ambition at the highest level, while I sit at home on the couch, mulling my own laziness and lack of inspiration to do whatever it is I feel I should be doing, sometimes eating snacks at the same time. This especially hurt watching Jennifer Hudson accept an Oscar at the age of 25…while I, at 26, have nothing to show for my life’s dream except 10 pages of a book that I haven’t looked at since October. One would have thought that would be the inspiration enough to wake up early this morning and get cracking, but instead I snoozed for an hour. But tomorrow is a new day, if I can get into bed before or at 11 p.m. Anything after that, and I’ll probably have to snooze my writing time away. Which p.s., I determined should be during the early morning hours before the tediousness of my day has beat me into submission so that when I get home, the only thing I feel like doing, after I work out, if I work out, is watching mindless television…ironically, oftentimes, featuring other people following their dreams. That would be you American Idol. Sigh.

AI: The Semi-Injustice, Sarah Silverman and a Bday Shout Out

Because work was quite busy on Friday, I did not have the right amount of time to dedicate to the American Idol results show. Do I agree with who went home? Sure. Clearly none of those people would have made it to the finals. I mean no shoes on national television? Come on. But it wasn't that that bothered me so much. It was a little comment so flippantly said by Ryan....that Sanjaya was in the top 4. I mean COME ON AMERICA. The injustice has been officially foreshadowed. Like I said before, Sanjaya is pretty. Maybe he got the gay vote. Maybe, like my friend Gij said she did, she voted for him because he was Indian, and she is Indian, and maybe a lot of Indians did that...fine I get it. It's just that if he makes it over someone who should really be there, my heart will once again be ripped out of my chest, stomped on, and then put back in my chest....only to be ripped out again and stabbed. That's all I'm saying. This is what American Idol does to me. Every year. And I come back for more...because I love it so. Sigh.

Something else that has grown near and dear in a one-episode amount of time is The Sarah Silverman Program. WATCH THIS NOW. On every level, it's so wrong, politically incorrect, offensive and HILARIOUS. As a matter of fact, no amount of capital letters in the world can so completely describe how awesome this show is. If it disappears from the air (and I'm not saying it will or that it's in danger, I haven't heard that) I will be furious and will officially give up on life. That's how awesome it is. And anyone who reads this is now personally responsible for keeping it on the air. So do your part. Or I'll kill you.

And last but not least, is one person I won't be killing soon, because they have agreed to finance my book (word is bond son), Happy Bday to J.K. (and his twin bro) . I think right behind Aunt C. and Gij, JK is my biggest blog fan, which is awesome. JK is a good example of wierd NYC connections that people make and become friends from, so happy bday.

New Obsession

Ok, two new obsessions.

1.)I’ve been buying a not-normal amount of food from sidewalk food vendors. I’m talking pretzels, gyros, chicken and rice, corn, nuts, whatever. On one hand, this
is good because my appetite was kind of gone for a while (disturbing to me for a number of reasons, none of which will matter to anyone else) so this means it’s coming back. On the other hand, it probably means I’m going to contract avian bird flu and/or gonorrhea in the very near future.

2.)Amy Winehouse. Even though Perez continues to get on my nerves more often than he does not lately, I will begrudge him this little bit. Because he’s so obsessed with her I downloaded some of her music and it’s really awesome. I personally like Back to Black and Rehab. To make up for the fact that I actually took his suggestion on something, I downloaded “Wait A Minute” by the Pussycat Dolls and put it on full blast while I was in the shower the other day and my roommates weren’t home. Nothing like balancing meaningful music with pointless pop, and singing along in the shower, to even things out.

American Idol: Girls Week 1

Ryan says strong start to the competition based on last night? Did he not listen to anything or watch the show at all? Ummm no Ryan. You completely obliterate all love I felt toward you and your vest last night. It's going to take the entire length of the next two hours to get me to love you again. I mean, I will. Just not until 10.

Stephanie: Already started better than 10/12 boys from yesterday. Love her confidence and her facial expressions. It's hard to go first because you can forget them so easily. Don't know if she hit the last note all the way, but it's okay because she was more fun to watch than anyone last night. 8/10.

Amy: Singing one of my favorite songs of all time, so I'm already a little nervous. Listening on TV it sounds like she might be singing in the wrong key? I can't tell...it doesn't sound bad, it just sounds a bit wierd. I'm ambivalent. I'm curious what the judges will say. I say 7/10.

(Sidenote: I find myself singing every song as soon as the judges finish speaking and when Ryan pipes up again. I wish for a microphone. Alas, there is none here in my room.)

Leslie: I think she has weird, jerky body movements and I'm not enjoying that hip swinging thing. If she practiced in that mirror she must be somewhat blind. It's not sexy, it looks very awkward and now I'm actually wishing I could either punch her in the face or hold her still by the hips. Plus now she is throwing gang signs, which I should give her props for but physically cannot. She should have just sang like she sang the last note the whole time while standing still. 6/10.

(Agree with Simon who finally addresses her uncomfy posture, and wish Randy and Paula would just let him talk! Ugh! So annoying!)

Sabrina: First off, I'd kill myself if I had that hair, but that is neither here nor there. I like her attitude and she comes out swinging from the start...always a good thing. This was awesome, she maximized her minute and a half the best anyone has so far. Not only that but she acknowledges she had to come out and do something fun, fast and good. Love it, someone who knows what the hell is up. 9/10!

Antonella: The Jersey girl, from Point Pleasant no less. I bet my cousin knows her. But again, neither here nor there. She's kind of awkward on stage and she kept losing what note she should be on...she started off much stronger than she finished. Mmmmm....6/10. Not in love.

Jordin: Another one who came out with attitude and hit it spot on. I loved it! 9/10. I don't think I totally agree with the judges this time around, I think she was much better than they said.

Nicole: I thought the Italian girl would represent but not only is this a bad song, but sometimes attitude does not work on white girls. Like in this case. And her parents should sit down. This was somewhat painful. As in like, my ears are bleeding slightly I think. 6/10 because I need a Q-tip now.

(Sidenote, Rudy I see you grooving with your head down in the boys section. Guess what, you still sucked last night.) I also am officially fast-forwarding once Simon gets his first thought out because I can't take the fighting.

Haley: Hmm, she sounds "a bit pitchy"...and yes, that's right I said it. Eat it haters. I'm kind of bored because I feel like I'm in a pop opera. A sort of bad and boring pop opera. Not that I've been to one of those, but this is what I imagine it to be like. 7.5/10.

Melinda: This was good in the sense that it wasn't bad. She can sing but in the middle I found myself looking at my candle and wondering what would happen if it suddenly lit my wall on fire. Like, what would I do? But she can sing and it was good and the judges will like it...but I just wasn't that interested. 8.5/10 though.

Alaina: Could she be any skinnier? Good for her haha. Anyways, I think some of the earlier girls have proven that in these first rounds you just have to come out swinging right from the top of the song and who sings this song Belinda Carlisle? The Bangles? I don't know. I know she can sing better than this because I've seen her so I give 8/10.

Gina: I really like Gina, not in small part b/c I wish I could pull that off with my hair. This is a good example on how to make a slower song sound really good...I am not bored where as if other people took this on I'd be back looking at my candle. 9/10. Did Randy just call her a big girl tho? F*** him!!! Though now looking at her next to Ryan she is quite tall...but I think I'd be tall next to Ryan, so who knows. But oh there she goes sassing up Simon. Gina...don't do this. Just no.

Lakisha: Oh my god is she trying to do "...and I'm Telling You I'm Not Going?" I'm so scared! (Two minutes later...): Holy crap that was pretty damn amazing. Umm, I actually might cry. 10/10 because I need to go find a tissue. And then Simon zings Gina which makes me love him that much more.

American Idol : Boys Week 1

First off, Seacrest was rocking the vest. You can always count on Ryan Seacrest to masculine-ize a feminine trend...and that's why we're in love.

Here are my real-time thoughts on each contestant:

Rudy: He was one of those singers who like cut off the word before it was finished. I hate that. He also had this weird look in his eyes. 6/10


Brandon: I had high hopes for Brandon because I really like his voice. I think he'll go through because he got a lot of air time before this week, but I think he has to step up to the plate. He was only ok...though he is mighty cute. 7/10

(Sidenote: the first commercial of the broadcast is for the new Will Ferrell movie "Blades of Glory." I hope the ad guys at the movie know that it was worth every penny they paid for that number one slot b/c I am so there on opening day.)

Sundance: It's gotta be tough with the last name "Head." I hate it. Maybe that's why he calls himself Sundance. I don't know. It doesn't matter. He seems like a nice guy and kind of different. But I didn't love it. Although I liked it more than the judges did. I give him a 8/10.

Paul: I don't remember him at all. I'm not loving the barefoot thing, though Ryan does come along and make it funny. I don't know, kind of forgettable but not horrible. I give him 8/10.

Chris: The JT lookalike, so we're in love already. Move over Ryan, you might have some competition. Anyways, I think I would have liked his a lot more if he didn't bop around quite so much but I give him props for trying to make it look and sound different. 8.5/10.

Nick: I love Nick's back story so I'm already partial to him. He seems so nice and cute. I used to have clients in Taunton, Mass. where he is from. Too bad because maybe we could arrange a meeting one day. But no worries...I thought he did good even if the judges didn't. I think he'll go through adn get better. 8/10.

Blake: I thought he looked like a mad scientist with that white coat in the auditions but I'll put that aside tonight. And the hair must go. But other than that, he used the word exclamation point in his sentence, as I often do, so we're friends and I think he was one of the better people. 8.5/10

Sanjaya: I'll give him this. He's pretty. But jesus christ how boring. I even called that Simon would say that the chorus of the song about the bore, would be used against him. And I was right. I think I fell asleep during this. 6/10.

Chris: I am totally rooting for him because I think he's hilarious. And I loved the song and I thought he did a good job, even if the judges didn't. The only thing I don't love is that he talked back to Simon. You just don't do that during week one...take your criticism and learn from it considering Simon is worth, oh...about a gatrillion dollars. He gets a grudging 9/10.

Jared: First off, totally hot. Love the outfit. I thought he seemed really good, I wish he sang something more uptempo like Cupid, like he did during Hollywood week. But I think he'll get through and come back better. 8/10.

AJ: I thought he was kind of karaoke, and I hope he stops lifting the microphone above his head in week two. But I liked his vibe and give him an 8/10.

Ryan also coins the term compli-diss and I love it. I'm totally incorporating this into my daily vernacular from now on.

Phil: Did anyone else catch Paula pointing Phil toward the right door on his way out of the first audition? I knew it! I knew they were helping some people find the right door. BASTARDS! But I love it. Anyways, face totally toward the camera, Phil reminds me of a lightbulb. With large ears. However, he did sing pretty well, except for the beginning. So...I like him. 8/10.

So, my predictions for who is gone? Rudy and Sanjaya would be my guess. Or my hope at least...overall, I'm a bit disappointed, but I'll chalk it up to first-night nerves...but I am hoping the girls step up to the plate a bit more.

Reminder, Set your DVRs and TiVos...

For my possible network television debut. The airing of tomorrow's Rachael Ray show, I'm in the front row. Probably looking like an idiot...but on TV nonetheless, and mere steps from Uncle Jesse. Holla!

Things I Love Today

This week, I've discovered a few new things I love. It's like I'm Oprah, only minus a billion dollars, my own talk show (working on that though), and a diva-licious, holier-than-thou attitude.

Lily Allen - Her new album kicks a$$! The songs are funny, fresh and catchy. The album is called Alright Still..it's been out in some time for London but is just arriving in the US. Check it.

Joe Rogan - A few months ago, I checked out Mind of Mencia for the first time. I thought it was alright. I had no idea that in the comedy world Mencia is known among comics at Menstealia, and he's notorious for jacking other people's jokes and making them his own. Apparently it's so bad that if someone is on stage and notices Mencia come in, they actually stop their act! And the guy has his own show on Comedy Central, which I checked out, and it sucks!

Anyways, Joe Rogan has made it his personal mission the last few years apparently to start calling him out and he's finally made some headway! Mencia tried to confront Rogan on stage at the Comedy Store in LA and wound up getting schooled.

If you go to Joe Rogan's MySpace page, iFilm or Perez Hilton, they all have the video. And it's great. Team Rogan! For you, fear is not a factor.

And on a sadder side note, all the talk of joke stealing finally made me wonder about all the rumors about Dane Cook jacking material. So I went ahead and found the tape of Louis CK bits followed by Dane Cook bits...and they are almost identical. I don't know...I've been on the Dane Train for so long, I hate to hop off, but stealing intellectual property is not cool. Further investigation is called for, but this doesn't look good.

Nelly Furtado - Still.

Scrubs - I fell off watching this show for a bit but have been catching a ton of re-runs lately. So hilarious.

The Dixie Chicks - Their Grammy wins got me listening to their album again and it's so good.

Ok, will add more later, gotta get to work right nizzow.

Hooray!

This is worth a second blog today, if for no other reason than the fact that my dream of seeing Mark Wahlberg shirtless, post-Oscar nomination, IS going to come true. (Thank you Hollywood movie gods.) And also because I happen to really love boxing and think this will be a great movie.

Damon, Wahlberg tapped for boxing movie:
Paramount is set to put Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg in the lead roles for The Fighter, a drama about boxer ''Irish'' Micky Ward's rise to the lightweight title with the help of half-brother Dicky, a boxer-turned-trainer who rebounded after struggles with drugs and crime. The actors will commit after evaluating a rewrite by House executive producer Paul Attanasio. Shooting will begin in early summer in Massachusetts. Like the real-life Ward brothers, Damon and Wahlberg are both from Massachusetts.

Uncle Jesse SMILED AT ME

Ohhhh yes. Yesterday I got to attend a taping of the Rachael Ray Show and the special guest was none other than John Stamos....yes, yes, the John Stamos who was not only Blackie on General Hospital (before my time but known to me nonetheless) but UNCLE JESSE FROM FULL HOUSE.

My client was giving something away, so I got to sit in the front row (and therefore will be all over your TV on Wed. Feb. 21, set your TiVos and DVRs now). During a commercial break, I was staring at his handsomeness (and he's just totally cute and down to earth) and he turned, looked me, we made eye contact and HE SMILED AT ME. UNCLE F*ING JESSE SMILED AT ME! Die and go to heaven! Die and take all childhood dreams with me!

I smiled back. And immediately started writing this blog in my head.

Vindication!

My favorite group ever, the Dixie Chicks, were thoroughly vindicated tonight with FIVE Grammy awards. Eat that haters!

If an awesome night is defined as free wine, beer and champagne, delicious free food, and a burlesque dancer in a bathtub than last night was awesome

No this is not a Fall Out Boy song title, it is the summary of my night last night. One of the excellent perks of having all your friends be in PR is the endless stream of event invites we all circulate amongst each other - some of which are truly amazing, like last night’s event at Counter Culture to celebrate the intro of the new chocolate mints from Altoids.

The main attraction of the evening? Dita Von Teese performing her burlesque act!!! You may know Dita several different ways – currently divorcing Marilyn Manson, face of MAC Cosmetics or new muse of Perez Hilton.

All of us were really excited to see Dita perform – pop culture whores that we all are. The whole crew was there, from P. and A. to Adj, Megs, MK and the new additions of GC and the Boz (separate entities though that might make a kick-ass band name). Seeing Dita’s act cut both ways. Though we all had a feeling something was off – be it the fact that the venue was actually quite small, she could see her complete audience or that she may have been tired – she didn’t really live up to complete expectations, it was no matter. To see it in person was totally cool. Basically, she starts off in a formal ball gown, strips down to pasties and a thong and then poured champagne all over herself and rinsed it off in a bubble bath tub. She looks like she stepped right out of 1940. She has the tiniest waist ever and her body is absolutely sick.

GC and I staked out our upfront seats when A. told us we should jump on that. So we were right in front for the act in all its glory. Then after, everyone just mingled and chatted until it was time to call it a night.

Tonight, thanks again, to kick-ass new job, I get to go to an after-party for Fashion Week at tenjune – scheduled guests to attend include Carmen Electra, Jamie Lynn Siegler and Danny Masterson – followed by game night up at Lola’s place ... Friday night could get kind of crazy...

Justin Came and I Screamed.

Mmmm I love me some Justin Timberlake. Last night was his concert at Madison Square Garden and I have to say, the boy can put on a show. It was definitely one of the better concerts I have ever been to…and not just because him and Andy Samberg came out in full costume (including strategically placed presents) to recreate “D*** in a Box.” And yes, you read that correctly. We had read that it was a possibility in a tip from Page Six…but I dared not dream the dream. Nor did A. But sometimes, dreams do come true and I actually missed the beginning of the song because I was screaming so damn loud from excitement.

When Justin first came out on stage he was wearing a three-piece white suit and he came up from the middle of the stage. I’m a bit ashamed but I believe I did yell “I love you and I will have all of your children!” while trying to keep my tears of excitement in check. And I did text that to my mom as well. Insert sad face here. But not that sad…because I totally would.

The concert was divided into two halves by an intermission. In the middle of the first half, Timbaland came out and joined JT for a song. I nearly died. I love me some Timbaland. Then at intermission, Tim DJ’d for like 25 minutes!!!! He threw in Missy and Nelly Furtado (natch) but totally mixed it up as well. The whole Garden was on its feet and dancing, it was so awesome. What was not awesome was the line for the girl’s bathroom at intermission, so I ran into the boys bathroom because it was totally empty, only to be greeted by a security guard on the way out who did not appear happy that I had done that. I had a brief moment of panic, picturing myself getting thrown out of MSG because I couldn’t be bothered to find another bathroom…but, I put on my best innocent face, told the guard I was sooo sorry, that it wouldn’t happen again, and gave him a little shoulder squeeze/hug. He seemed placated. I ran back to my seat before he could change his mind.

He played all my faves including Senorita, Like I Love You, Gone (from the N’Sync days…mmmm N’Sync), SexyBack, Damn Girl and What Goes Around…among others from both the new and old albums.

It was also rumored that Britney might be in the audience, and though I didn’t care to search for her, I hope she was there, took a good look around, realized that her career is over, and went home and tried to kill herself. I’m just kidding, that’s a horrible thing to say. I hope she just went home and cried herself to sleep after snorting some coke (it’s true ya’ll) and making sure the nannies are raising the kids just fine.

All in all, probably the best $68 ever spent.

Valentine's Day

As we approach Valentine's Day, I thought this story was kind of nice. Nice, in a creepy kind of way.

It's kind of like the marriage of Valentine's Day and Halloween. I think if Valentine's Day and Halloween got married, an appropriate name would be Valenween's Day. And we could have Valenween's Day Eve, where singletons rejoiced. Something for everyone.

But I digress.

http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/5000-year-old-skeletons-locked-in/20070206155209990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

I Literally Cannot Breathe...

...I am so excited for the Justin Timberlake concert tonight. I feel like I am 14 years old and I don't even care.

Why you ask? Well, besides the extremely obvious points to be excited over JT, PageSix.com is reporting that Andy Samberg - yes THE ANDY SAMBERG OF Apt. 5C's dreams - will be performing "D*** in a Box" onstage with Justin.

Ummm...I literally have tears of joy in my eyes. And if I was capable of crying (if you recall, I've been having trouble with this lately), they would come out. But they are there and I am happy.

I could literally throw up, I'm so anxious and excited.

I'm Psychic!

So, my roommate A. and I have become more than slightly obsessed with the notion that she is to meet, marry and create babies with Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live. A few months ago, while re-watching "Lazy Sunday" as I like to do every now and again, I realized that Andy was her perfect type. So I carried my laptop into her room, made her watch it and watched her fall in love, just as predicted.

A few weeks of strategy later, we knew how to go about it. A.'s work is constantly having supercool events, and we know Andy's address is 30 Rock, so I suggested she just begin inviting him to all of her stuff! For an event this Thursday her and her co-workers put together a comprehensive package to send to him and my fingers are crossed.

In the meantime though, on Saturday, I realized we could expedite the process should we just be able to find the SNL afterparty. I'd get drunk and bulldoze my way through any bimbos in Andy's path, thereby throwing the block and clearing the way for A. to work her magical Cuban charms.

Saturday night was like the coldest night in the history of the world. Part A. of the plan, which was get sliiiightly intoxicated (just enough to be loose and funny and say whatever needed to be said) went easily enough. Part B. of the plan: find the party, did not. We exhausted every single contact we had (and not to sound arrogant, but we have a lot, and being in PR, can figure out who needs to be called, how to reach them, etc.) but the odds were against us. Further fueling the flame was the fact that I was reading on Perez, prior to leaving the house, that Andy was spotted out on Friday night at 205 (where A. had been just days earlier) with none other than our arch-enemy Kirstin Dunst! That snaggle-toothed WHORE!

So, we decided to strike out to Cellar Bar because it would be going on for Fashion Week and take our chances.

However, we could not get a cab to save our life, it was starting to creep into negative temperatures and I was losing my patience. I said to A., listen, I don't think Cellar Bar is going to happen, let's try to find a place around here. I suggested a number of bars - Sapa, Tribe, B-Bar, Plan B - we couldn't agree. We wound up at a winebar called Von and I was so exhausted that while Annette talked on the phone, I just laid my head down on the table and went to sleep until she was done. I didn't even care. The bar was empty and no one was even looking at us. We got home around 2:30, tired, defeated and Samberg-less.

Well fast forward to today, I'm reading People.com and guess where the SNL after party was??? SAPA!!!!!

I couldn't email it to Annette fast enough. I was totally on a cosmic connection with Samberg and she ignored it! I finally got the words I've longed to hear - Lia, we will never doubt your suggestion of venue again. But it's too late. The odds of being able to repeat such a psychic feat are slim to none...not to say I won't try, but I'm just saying I had this one in the bag.

A reiteration...

...that Jack Bauer just flat out rules. I finally started watching the backup of "24" episodes I've had, and pretty much confirmed that there are only two real badasses in this world - and Chuck Norris is out. It's Urban Meyer and Jack Bauer.

In episode one, after being imprisoned and tortured in Chinese jail for TWO YEARS, Jack kills a man, after being asked by the US government to agree to be further tortured to death to save America (there is no greater patriot than Jack Bauer) by biting him in the jugular and making him fall in such a way that he can conveniently grab the keys to take off his handcuffs and set himself free. This was after a terrorist jabbed a knife into the nerves bundled into his shoulder and lower back. Ummm if that doesn't scream "F*ing Awesome and Amazing" I'm not really sure what does.

Just minutes later, Jack is off to save the world again, having been able to find a very tight-fitting gray, long-sleeved shirt that makes you want him to take it off, if he was not covered in scars inflicted by the evil Chinese government.

Amazing!

Crank the Freak Switch to 11

My nerdometer is at an all time high. Earlier this week, while watching the documentary Spellbound about the National Spelling Bee, I realized about halfway through that I was attempting to spell words in my head at the same time as the subjects in the movie. The person I was watching this with caught me doing it, and before they could call me out, I admitted I was the biggest geek ever. In my defense, I was burned in my 6th grade spelling bee, eliminated on the word "hacienda." I was furious a.) because I went against my better judgment and spelled it with a "j" instead of an "h" and b.) because I thought it totally unfair that a non-bilingual sixth grader was expected to spell a word in Spanish. Clearly, 14 years later, I'm not over it.

Anyways, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not totally f*ing psyched that I pre-ordered my copy of the seventh, and final, Harry Potter today. I won't repeat the mistake of last HP, which was picking the wrong bookstore to go and pick it up from. I went to the Kip's Bay Borders hoping I would see the HP freaks out in full force, only to find that they apparently congregated at the Union Square Barnes and Noble's. So this time around, I preordered from Club BN, as I like to call it, and come July 21 at midnight that's where I'll be. I'll be dressed normally a.) because I'm not THAT big of a nerd but b.)because my sense of cruelty is such that I will make fun of those in HP costumes (the adults, not the kids, the kids are cool) totally ignoring the fact that I too am giving up a Saturday night to be one of the FIRST to get my hands on a book that I will stay up all night and into Sunday to finish.

In the Navy...

One of the toughest parts about being an older sibling is fighting the urge to act like your sibling's parent. My little brother has been in somewhat of a funk for the last two years, trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. It's been really hard for me not to pressure him during this time, to just be supportive and listen and try to understand. I look at where I was at 22 and where he is, and we're just worlds apart, but we're also such different people. If we didn't know better, we both find it surprising, besides our shared love of Comedy Central, YouTube and just general sense of humor, that we're related at all. Even though we get along great, apart from the knock-down, drag-out, sometimes chase me with a knife, sometimes slap him right across the face, fights we had from roughly 1990-1997.

So that's why I'm just so incredibly proud of him - after nearly 8 months of training, hoping and praying, he finally got into the United States Navy!!!! I'm so excited that not only has he found something he will love, but something he wants, something he worked for and something he acheived. God knows that he's been searching for that, and as a sister, I've been praying that he succeeded! If you have his email address, send him a note, I know he doesn't always realize how many people out there really care about him and love him and want him to succeed. He's got such a me against the world mentality...little Louie's in the navy! I can hardly take it!!!!!!!!