You can call me McHivey

So last Friday, my co-worker and I were in the mood for something substantive for lunch. Fast forward through a debate on the merits of sushi, Sbarro or Hale & Hearty, we finally decided Chipotle would do the trick.

After using their extremely fun online ordering option, I went over to the store to pick it up. Just FYI, avoid Chipotle during lunch hour. It's insane.

Anyways, fast forward again and I've eaten my steak burrito in like, world record time, and I'm sitting at my desk feeling perversely proud that I finished the whole thing yet simultaneously fat and disgusting, when my neck area starts to itch a bit.

I ignore this and continue working. I'm just giving a little scratch here and there, I was wearing a turtleneck and our office can get a bit warm, so I'm not really concerned at this point and I get up to go to the bathroom.

It's worth noting as well that the bathroom in this building has, what I consider, to be the most horrific lighting that I've ever seen in my life. This is great if you have a blemish that is driving you crazy. You can see everything. It's horrible if you thought you were looking somewhat decent that day, only to find that in the right light, you actually look like you may have gotten punched in the face while getting a nose job.

So as I'm washing my hands, I see a little red mark on my neck and I'm like what the hell is that? And I pull back the neck on my sweater and I swear to God, I look like I have been beaten with a live electrical wire. My entire neck and upper chest is COVERED in ugly, raised, red hives. I've never broken out in these kinds of hives before...my closest friends (and now you as well) know that I have extremely sensitive skin and am, in fact, allergic to water. Not the hydrogen and oxygen part per se, but rather the impurities of water that most people dont' know are in there (because they don't have to.) When I get out of the shower, and the ocean, which is worse, I get these super awesome red blotches that fade in about 20 minutes, but really make me look amazingly hot in the meantime. And that was really awesome when you grow up on the beaches of Florida, p.s.

So anyways, these are for real hives. Not blotches. And I run back into the office and show my boss and ask what the hell is happening and she covers her mouth in horror. But there is nothing I can do, I have to go back to work and I do the best I can to make it through the remaining few hours of the day and get home.

On the way hope I stop and get Benadryl and hydrocortisone cream (plus a new nailpolish and mascara, as is my m.o. is to buy beauty products whenever when faced with a crisis)and speedwalk to my apartment.

Up my five flights of stairs, I am literally stripping because the hives are so itchy now that they've been covered under my down jacket and as I'm walking through the door, P. is on the couch and I'm taking off my sweater.

Her immediate expression was one for the ages, but she asks if I've been burned...and I say no! I think F*ing chipotle gave me hives! And she is like oh my god! what the FUCK! and i run to my full length mirror and it was just unbelievable. it looked like i was stung by bees or something.

So I finally apply all my products (the mascara sucked p.s.) and just lay in bed cause clearly I am not going anywhere, which was sad, because it was Friday and I actually wanted to do something. But P. came in and laid down with me and we watched American Idol together. Then A. comes in talking on the phone, goes to the refrigerator, checks out P. and I in bed together hysterical laughing at American Idol, with me laying in sweatpants and bra covered in hives and hydrocortisone, and does the best double take I've ever seen. She almost drops the phone, mouths "have you been burned?" and then breaks into hysterical laughter.

The hydrocortisone only made me itch worse so I signed on WebMD to figure out how to solve this medical dilemma and it says take a hot shower and rinse with mild soap. So I do and I immediately feel better.

And then throughout the weekend the hives got better, and today, I look only like I may have had a skin condition in my youth. Thank god for turtlenecks is all I can say...after work yesterday I went to H&M to buy more sweaters (ok, i go everyday now and buy something regardless of whether there is a need or not) and I applaud the fact that I can now dress up and cover my current skin shortcomings at the same time.

It is perplexing though, because I love Chipotle but my love of it has never caused a medical flare-up. I'm somewhat tempted to buy another steak burrito to see if it happens again, but I will wait til the current wounds heal before deciding whether to do that.