The Best Bad Date Story in a While...and Not Mine

I realize my blog is totally boring in the absence of bad dates and my drunken mistakes. I mean, does anyone really care about my seeing the Nutcracker? Is the coolest thing I had to say the other day that the French toast bagel at Starbucks is amazing? I mean, it totally is, but that’s the stuff suburban moms would/should blog about. I am not there yet.

The good news is, when I enter this void, I have friends who fill it with their own adventures – drunken and otherwise – and share those stories with me so that I can post them online for the world to read.

So a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless to protect her identity among those who may read this and know her (and no she is not one of my roommates) has been semi-dating a boy who is in her circle of friends. About a month ago, they were at a birthday party of another friend and were drinking heavily. He realllllly likes her, so he didn’t leave her side the whole night and pretty soon, moves were made. He asked her, once the party had ended, if she wanted to come back to his place and she said yes.

Back at his house, things continued as they often do in those situations, I’ll let you use your imagination …but things didn’t get too far because my friend had her monthly visitor. So…at this point, the kid is very eager to please her and in his excitement scratches her pretty badly across a mole she has on her chest, right under her breast. She knew that it hurt really bad, but she was drunk and therefore, it didn’t hurt as much as she knew it would the next day.

So fast forward to the morning, he is sleeping and she sneaks off, jumps in a cab and goes home. When she is home, she goes to get the shower and sees that her entire stomach area is covered in blood. She freaks out because she has no idea where the blood came from until she looks and her mole is COMPLETELY GONE. The kid had ripped it completely off the night before!

As soon as she realizes this, she begins to freak out because now that she’s aware that its gone she realizes how painful it is. But then… she thinks back to when she was gathering her things and realizes that there were spots on his sheets. In her tiredness and in the faint light she hadn’t given it much thought but THEN, not only does she realize it was her own blood but she realizes that he is NEVER going to know that he ripped off her mole – and instead is going to think that she bled on his bed because of her period!

Now she freaks out again because this is a lose-lose situation! She can’t call him and say, hey, um I just want you to know that I didn’t bleed from my vagina all over your sheets, you actually just ripped off my mole from my body. And if she says nothing than she never addresses, one way or another, that she left blood on his bed! Awful!

So we’re sitting at brunch and she tells us this story and me and my other friend who were listening, we can’t help it, we double over. Like tears coming out of my eyes all over the place laughing. I literally cried off all of the makeup I had put on.

The worst part is that because of the holidays, I haven’t talked to her since this story so I have no idea what the resolution was…but I’ll find out. Stay tuned.