Letting Someone Down Semi-Gently

Ok...so I have a confession in that I violated my own rules of nothing text messaging. Before going all up in arms, all 45 of you that read this, half of whom are married and don't have to worry about this ish, calm down. I tried to make things right via in-person communications first, but couldn't. The person wasn't there. So I had to reach out electronically. Get over it.

Anyways, about three weeks ago, I went out on what I thought was dinner but was actually a full-blown date that the other person took very seriously. As previously mentioned, the person did just about everything wrong. Got way ahead of themselves in terms of future dates, made presumptions, told me the price of everything (my number one ultra, ultra pet peeve), and even asked me if I watched porn. You can't make this stuff up. I should also note, that the tables in the restaurant were very close together and the very proper gentleman at the next table over heard this question, gave us a dirty look and it was right around that point that I decided I'd like to crawl under the table and die. And just because it's hilarious, somewhere around the middle of the date, this very white guy (well...half Puerto Rican, half Italian, but looks white) started referring to himself in the third person as "this n****).” Which also horrified me because next to the C-word, that's the only word in the English language that makes me absolutely sick. But at the same time, I was like did you just refer to yourself in the third person? And as this n*****? Are you serious? Am I on camera somewhere?

Anyways, needless to say, by end of the entrees, I knew we were not a match made in heaven. Hell maybe. But not Heaven.

I took a few days off from the store where I see this person so as not to give the wrong impression. I then received a text message a few days later asking me out for dinner and drinks. I had several problems with this.

1.) Pick up the damn phone and ask.

2.) I didn't want to go.

3.) I didn't want to respond.

4.) I had no idea what to do.

So I just didn't write back. First of all, it was Friday night. And my friends and I were just discussing that unless you are serious, you don't go on weekend dates with anyone. That's the time where you can get drunk with your friends and meet more dates. Not for hanging out with Wigger McGee. Second of all, I refuse to engage in texting communications - not to be asked out and not to turn someone down. In retrospect, it would have been best to answer back, “sorry, have plans.” Because that would have communicated my non-interest...but lessoned learned.

So anyways, I don't answer and then I just disappear. To this guy, at this point, I was like f*cking Keyser Soze. A figment of his imagination. But then I felt bad so I went to the store just to say look, I'm super busy, and thanks, but no thanks blah blah blah...but he wasn't there.

So I texted him what I thought was quite clever - "I owe you an apology. Been working like crazy. Will try to stop in store this week." It says nothing, it promises nothing, it is nothing. Which violates my rule, but you know what, my heart was in the right place.

His response? Oh you are alive.

Oops. But the good news is, that I could probably be an awesome CIA agent since I managed to elude seeing him, actually convincing him I very well may be dead, for nearly a week at this point.

My response? Barely but yes. Which was also a lie. But whatever.

So anyways, another week goes by and yesterday I get a new text which says "Damn was the date that bad"

Again, several problems with this.

1.) Give it up.

2.) Yes it was.

3.) Now I have to call.

I refuse, REFUSE I SAY, to text back. I do feel bad. It's not this guys fault that he obviously has no idea that he's an idiot in the women department....but at the same time, it's not my fault either. But after speaking about it with P., proper protocol would be to call, tell him I am sorry for disappearing (WHICH IS A LIE, I'M NOT SORRY), tell him I have been busy with work and my friends (WHICH IS NOT A LIE) and that after thinking about it, I am just not ready to date yet. (ALSO A LIE. BUT AGAIN...WHATEVER.)

So I'm doing that today. Given that 2/3 of this conversation will be me talking out of my ass, I wouldn't say that I'm handling this maturely, but you know what? I'm new to this, so I haven't gotten my head wrapped around all these new things I have to do and say and learn. Plus, I'm pretty sure I don't have to be mature with Whitey Mc-Wish-I-Was-Black. Don't think he'll be any the wiser.