Living alone does have its perks, namely in that I can drag my Bose speaker into my bathroom and sing at the top of my lungs in the shower without fear of ridicule - at least not from roommates, my neighbors probably I have their thoughts. But I hardly see them so I don't let that get in the way. Sometimes though, I have to admit, I think I sound pretty good.
Anyway, I've been battling with my emotions pretty good the last week or so. I have officially started doing freelance PR and writing, and though everything is going great it's been extremely stressful trying to think ahead, manage my money and keep motivated. The mental exhaustion has been tough to deal with but there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. I found a three-month sublet for my place, I've lined up work through the end of April and I had a good month writing and learning the tricks of the trade.
Saturday night it all kind of caught up to me though, no thanks to three bud lights, a Red bull and a slice of pizza that I spilled cayenne pepper flakes all over. I put on a brave face, but it carried through Sunday when I got some shocking news (to be revealed later) and I spent most of Sunday lying in GC's bed, alternately sleeping, crying, being on the phone and watching him do his taxes until I was finally tempted out of the room with spaghetti and the third installment of John Adams. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, I've been blessed to find an amazing boyfriend who gives me a hug when I'm sad and knows that the way to make me feel better is with food and entertainment. Thank god for you, GC. :)
In any case, this morning I trudged back home in the rain feeling a bit down, but the walk did me good. When I got home, I found a story I had written had been posted and I didn't know it (good for another $150 on my invoice) and that helped turn my mood around a bit and then I worked and felt a bit better. However, I got in the shower and turned on my iPod and the first three songs of the shuffle just seemed to speak to every emotion I've had the last few days and helped me feel a bit normal again.
The first was "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks. I've listened to this song hundreds of times, but when I listened to it today I walked away with something a bit different. Normally, I've applied the words to the world around me - having no regrets, going full-force into city life, etc. - but today I applied the words to myself. I'm not ready to back down against what I want out of my life. I'm disciplined enough to do what I've set out to this time and if I just keep working hard - facing rejection letters, putting out clips teeny bits at a time, I'll get there and I'll have done it my way. When all is said and done, I know that will be a good feeling. I just have to keep at it.
The second was "Working 9 to 5" by Dolly Parton. Over the weekend, GC's improv group played a dance remix of the song while the theater filled and I really liked it. So I downloaded it and for the first time, I really listened to the words. It reinforced what I'm trying to do for myself, taking my life into my own hands and not working for someone who ultimately reaps the benefits of my thoughts and hard work.
Third and finally was "No One" by Alicia Keys. I hardly talk about it on here because I like to keep it a bit separate, but I felt it was appropriate since the song came up in the shuffle. It's not an exact fit to GC and my relationship and we have many other songs that we think apply to us, but the idea of knowing that there is someone in this world who cares about you, who loves you and supports you no matter what, is something I can't quantify. I'll be moving in with GC and his super amazing roommates for three months this summer, which he offered to me because he knew how much saving that money could help along my dream. Again, I'd put how much this means to me in words, but there are none that would do. The songs speaks about not letting anything get in the way of what you feel for someone, and I honestly couldn't love GC more if I tried.
On that sappy note, I'll go. Just cause, I've pasted the words to all the songs below in case anyone else feels the need for some inspiration. I'm now settling in for some Law & Order and Time Magazine (two more things that make me happy) and I'll wake up tomorrow, hopefully ready to go again.
Not Ready to Make Nice
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
Workin' 9 to 5
Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin, stretchin, try to come to life
Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5
Chorus:
Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that i
Would deserve a fair promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss wont seem to let me in
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me
Mmmmm...
They let your dream
Just a watch em shatter
Youre just a step
On the boss mans a ladder
But you got dream hell never take away
On the same boat
With a lot of your friends
Waitin for the day
Your shipll come in
And the tides gonna turn
An its all gonna roll you away
2nd chorus:
Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And you never get the credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
Theres a better life
And you think that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it
3rd chorus:
Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use you mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it
Fade:
9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
Theres a better life
And you dream that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it
No One
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel
I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there is no one
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
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