Black(Berry) Monday
Last Monday’s BlackBerry outage was blamed for more then 100,000,000 heart attacks – of which 99,999,999 million were workaholics in desperate need of a life outside of work.
The remaining victim was an old woman who suffered a heart attack when a Wall Street investment banker yelled in her face on Chambers Street because he had not been able to check the Dow Jones Stock index for 30 seconds.
Dr. Ken Burns of the American Heart Foundation, released the following statement regarding the fragile state of American heart health when workers had to go more then several hours without checking their e-mail and sports scores. “I think the world would have been better without these douches, but c’est la vie.”
The BlackBerry outage was blamed on a system upgrade that parent company, Research in Motion, said resulted in a system-wide glitch.
Research in Motion spokeswoman Tanya Smith said, “We will now conduct all system upgrades between the hours of 1 a.m. and 2 a.m., which, according to our research, is when our primary user base is doing bumps of cocaine to reach their required number of billable hours. This should help rectify the situation in the future.”
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